I was talking with some people this week about wounds and forgiveness. We were talking about forgiveness and the healing it brings, and how it brings us closer to Christ for it is a foundational characteristic of Him, and by walking it out we physically bring ourselves closer to Christ. Almost inevitably as we were talking about wounds and what has caused our wounds abuse came up. I think abuse and forgiveness together may be one of the harder things to do. How do you forgive someone who is abusing you. Do you say "I forgive you" and return to the situation, no hard feelings, only to be victimized again? Of coarse not, in this context we encouraged anyone who may be in an abusive relationship to get out and to speak it out. Then it was suggested that telling someone about the abuse is in fact walking out forgiveness itself. This boggled me for a bit. I mean forgiveness is desiring for this other person the same things you desire or not wishing bad things for this person and I don't desire judgement or jail - which are two likely outcomes of speaking out abuse, but then I got to really thinking about it, and I think I agree. If we agree that God's judgement is in fact eternal damnation, then we must agree that that is "the worst that could happen". Or, the largest consequence of abuse is in fact death. So, by speaking out abuse, we are actually stopping "the worst thing that could happen" to this person, giving an opportunity for repentance. And by doing that, then I can agree we are forgiving, for we are no longer wishing bad on the person, because if we were, then we would remain silent and allow for death to be victorious.

Forgiveness. I wonder if true forgiveness is when you don't have anyone to blame for your problems. Like, there are people in my life I am pretty sure I have forgiven. Who I love and would never ever want anything bad to happen to them. Yet, some issues I am currently going through I find it easy to say, "I'm like this because this person did this to me", and I wonder if I have truly forgiven them, then I wouldn't 'blame' those situations. I don't know. Just thinking it out loud (or writing in out).

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How is Nicole doing?

Well, just got back from Teen Camp today. It was a good week. Tiring though. I had a cabin by myself mostly full of girls I didn't know and my patience and energy drained quickly. This could have been a result of my first ever migraine on Monday. It was awful! I couldn't open my eyes fully and every step I took made my head hurt so bad. I don't cry (over pain) almost ever, but I was even brought to tears for this. It hurt from the moment I woke up, to part of the next day. But when it was gone - I felt great. Had some good times with God this week. And made connections and deepened relationships with the girls, so that was fabulous too. And, Camp Sunrise is simply a great place to be for me, and I covet every opportunity I get to go up.

Now I am home and it is time to re-settle into things. Back to schedule...well maybe on Monday.

Peace out.