God is really really Holy.

Someone got on my case about my lack of bloggage (ht:ll), so excuses of being busy and my computer being out of commission aside I shall bring you a blog...

As part of our Corps we hit the streets weekly in an attempt to save souls...and I've been wanting to highlight Street Combat for the past few weeks anyways, so when better then my long overdue blog to do it.

Two weeks ago while on Street Combat I saw real live ninjas, got called quote "a ding-a-ling", and was also unable to deny being a cop.

But I want to highlight last weeks Street Comabt more (but perhaps the Ninja sighting will be expanded on later)

Last week we began by looking at Luke 10, specifically the Parable of the Good Samariten. "Who is our neighbour" and inquiring mind asked and Jesus replied with the Good Samariten story - you know the one where this one dude is beaten up badly and a couple socially accepted guys walk by and cross the street specifically to avoid him, and then this socially unaccepted guy shows mercy and compassion. So we dwelled on this passage and were encouraged to meet our neighbours with mercy and compassion.

We met together in a dark alley to pray and then split up into two's to walk the streets and meet our neighbours. Rob and I walked a few steps over to a coherant, although high, couple and asked if they were our neighbours. Dude, later identified as Jaden, said he wasnt from around here but jsut gets high here. He then asked, shockingly, "Why do you live down here?". Rob lives in the Balmoral Hotel and when that was said to Jaden he laughed and told us he buys his dope their and I guess that makes us neighbours. We had a fairly surface level conversation with Jaden and his girlfriend Rebecca, until the cops rolled up and they fled.

During our conversation with these two, about a foot away was this other guy. Sitting on the wet and slimey ally ground. Just shot up some heroin and was falling over, non-coherant, and couldnt speak. I considered crossing by and not talking to him, becuase my interaction with guys in this state of mind has not been fruitful. But then I remembered the scripture we focused on and got convicted. I was just like the priest or the temple worker who crossed over to avoid inconvienence. I repented and we went to talk to this guy, later idetified as Jimmy.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"mmmfffbuufmm" He replied.

"Are, you okay? How can we help"

"mmffbuumffnm"

"Can we help you, What's your name"

"mmffbummsf"
At this point my mercy and compassion were quickly fading as he was unresponsive.

"Can we call the paramedics for you, you arent looking so hot..."

"Go" I thought I heard

"If you want us to go we can, but Im going to call the paramedics"

"No" I thought I heard this time.
But it was pretty clear he was in need of some medical attention. Couldnt sit up straight. Going in and out of conscieouness. Used needle beside him. Body fluids escaping him...

"Help" He said, proving my previous interpreations wrong.
He then reached his hand out towards me and I helped him sit up straight.

"Hey, I'm Nicole, and this is Rob. What's your name"
"Jimmy"

Jimmy began to have a very with-it conversation with us. He offered us some of his Twix bar and Nacho Chips. I asked him if he was our neighbour and he said "If you live down here then you sure are, becuase you are standing in my living room" He then made some sexual joke about inviting me over to his bedroom but it was in good humour - he wasnt being creepy really. I sat down beside him and we talked some more, about the weather, how our days were and eventually about salvation. He suddenly became very concerned about where I was sitting as he thought I was on his needle. I thought he was concerned only becuase he didnt want to lose it...turns out he was more concerend about my safetly. But the needle was a good distance from me a whole 4 inches anyways.

At one point his friend Olivia came to borrow his crack pipe. As he handed it to her he was very clear (this is the same guy who 10 minutes earlier could not form a word) that she could use it as long as it was around the corner, becuase we were his new friends and he didnt want us around that. I actually didnt mind, but it was really nice of him to care about us and to call us his friends.

Suddenly it was already 10:20 and we had to get going, but Jimmy assured us that we could come over and visit him anytime. I left feeling a bit unsatisfied. I felt like nothing was done, and that we didnt make any difference...but then I had to remember that this was the same person I was ready to call emergency personell in for. I arrived feeling scared for Jimmy's life and left feeling safe about leaving him. I guess God did move.

The beauty of Street Combat is that it forces me to meet my neighbours. During the week I can be selfish. Do the things I have to do, go to the places I have to go - but rarely do I just go out meeting my neighbours. Street Combat makes that easy for me to do.

This post is already long I know, but I can't deny you the Ninja story, as it is good.

So I'm walking down Cordova on my way to Oppenhiemer Park when I see a couple squad auto's and a few more ghost cars. "Ohh, there's police, let's j-walk" I said and we crossed the street. We met this lady who was fairly hard to miss with her wild orange hair. "What's going on" we asked and she said that the police had evacuated her apartment building and they had been waiting outside for a couple hours already. We got to talking, Fern was her name, and she seemed quite lovely. Then these two guys dressed in black, complete with semi-automatics and black toques (the kind that cover the face) walk out of the apartment and into their Ninja car. Some like to call them SWAT teams, I prefer the term ninja. The the paddy wagon rolls up and I suggest that maybe they were not for this bust...it was here Fern called me a ding-a-ling, becuase clearly the paddy wagon was here for the action too.

We continued walking through Oppenheimer Park and met three others from this apartment. We asked them their names and if they were from acrose the street and it was here I was called a cop. Even after denying that, and pointing out the red and white shield on my coat, these three remained unconvinced. Then my phone rang "See, you are a cop...cops have nice cell phones like that"...My conversation didnt help my cause.

"Ya Liv, just park the car on Powell and bring the keys to the truck, Im on Street Combat but I'll be there soon"...yup didnt sound like a cop at all hey....

Always a good story from Street Combat - come out if you're in the area - 2130h at the Command Center every Sunday night.

And don't forget to check out the Vaniety Issue of JAC, available at armybarmy.com.

God is here.

I have been spiritually unwell for so long that now that I am better I have forgotten where the line is from personal suffering and the type of suffering Paul talks about. And I got to thinking, maybe there shouldnt be a line. I shouldnt be able to tell when things are bad because of my own problems or becuase of someone elses, but I should treat them all the same, isnt that really what community is and what being a follower of Jesus looks like. When my friend is sad I am heartbroken too. When my neighbour is being treated in an unjust manner this should make me angry as if it was happening to me.

I am scared to answer the question "How are you" these days becuase the truth is I am not okay. I am not scared of the truth I am scared of how others will interperate that. So just to get it out there I am okay as in the things that tied me up a couple months ago are not tying me up but I am not okay as in the things that are tying my friends and my neighbours up are tying me up too. And here I still feel as if I have to explain my every emotion and explain that Nicole is fine but Nicoles soul is downcast. I hate it. I dont want to grow up. I want to be in the comfort of innocence. I want my mommy.

In PTB the other day we prayed some solid scriptures on grace. The whole time I didnt stop saying I need grace. We were supposed to thank the Lord for his grace and I realised I am in desperate need for His grace.

I am in desperate need for the Lord. The other day I was sitting in my comfortable house and in my comfortable clothes and in the comfort of my selfishness and I didnt want to leave. I wanted to remain comfortable. While my neighbours are ten feet away dying in their addiction and dying in their pain and dying in there lonliness. What did I do? I remained in my comfort and stayed at home. Since when do I do that? Since when did I start caring more about my pathetic self then about my friends then about my neighbours. I have gotten so used to being "burnt out" and to "needing time to heal" and to being told "not to do things until I am well" that I have lost the joy of loving. Suddenly to love became hard. I used to be alright at loving others and now it is a chore. Now I have gotten lazy in love and selfish and now I focus too much on myself. Now I look to please my flesh and have put the Kingdom on the back burner. When did that happen?

I just sat through a conversation between my friend and a co-worker. Long story short I did not agree with my co-worker. But instead of defending the widow I remained silent. I cared more about me then I did her. I miss the Lord.

LORD, HEAR MY CRY. FREE ME FROM MY FLESH. WHERE ARE YOU LORD. WHERE IS YOUR GRACE. HAVE I GONE THAT FAR. HAVE I GONE SO FAR THAT I CANNOT RETURN. WHERE ARE YOU. I NEED YOU.

and then He comes. He comes. He comes. He comes! He is here. Shining like the sun. He is not far. He is not long away. He is here. God is here. GOD IS HERE. Hallelujah He is here. His presence is His grace. I need his presence as I need his grace.

Remain in me and I will remain in you, He says.

My soul hurts. My soul is in pain and is in anguish. Too much rejection and too much fear. Too many people getting hurt. Too many people dying. Enough is enough. Where is the love. Where is the justice. Where is the hope. My soul hurts. But my spirit rejoices. It will always rejoice.

I realise this post is all over the place....its becuase my understanding, my thoughts and my emotions are all over the place too. I want to be focused. I want my undivided focus to be at the feet of Jesus. I want undivided focus on the King. For thats where it ought to be. Its not there though I dont think. It's also all over the place becuase I have written all the pages of my journal dry and until I go get a new one I am needed to process my thoughts before my mind explodes.

Oh and while I have been struggling with my selfishness and my confussion and my frustration and my rejection...I have likely (almost certainly) taken it out on others. So sorry to you.

So, I dont know what I am thinking and I dont know where I am with the Lord, but I do know I need him. And thats all I need to know anyways.