>>>>>transformation

2009-09-27T11:09:00.003-07:00

Nicole is no longer blogging at www.nicolebrindle.blogspot.com.

She will now be blogging more frequently at www.thewarcollege.com (and will link those to facebook). Mostly because it just makes sense - I think most of the people that read this blog also read TWC...just makes sense. And I'll be linking TWC to my facebook, so you facebook readers of my blog will still get it!

So feel free to remove this blog from your blog rolls, but make sure you add The War College to yours if you don't already.

I won't be deleting this site address (as it's got some okay past posts, and some sweet links on the right side)

And I still have Twitter (@nicolebrindle), Facebook (www.facebook.com/nbrindle), Email (nicole@thewarcollege.com) and a mobile (778-773-LIFE) - you won't have trouble finding me!

Some links I think you should check out:
www.armybarmy.com/blog.html
www.armybarmy.com/jac.html <--- October 1st marks the first ever War College Edition
www.thewarcollege.com
www.thewarcollegechicago.com
www.armybarmy.com
www.24-7prayer.org

God Bless,

Nicole

2009-09-20T17:07:00.002-07:00

Golly, it's been almost a month since I posted last. I better up the posting lest I get taken off the ArmyBarmy blog roll!

Have we developed an "its-ok-to-sin-a-little-bit-if-you-sinned-a-lot-before" attitude.

I have a bunch of friends who's lives resembled that of Paul when he used to be Saul, but have encountered the Living God since and have made huge changes in their lives. But often these same people still stay gripped to something or become gripped to something else eventually. Perhaps in the past they were a rapist and now wouldn't even think about harming another person sexually again. That alone, Praise God! That's the repentance I'm talking about...except that say this person then thinks it's okay to masturbate or look up porn. How long do we rejoice at drastic changes before we address the sin that so easily entangles? On one hand they arn't raping people anymore, and that's such a good good thing...but on the other hand they are still not living in perfect union with the Holy Spirit and that is not a good thing at all. Perhaps a better example would work. Say someone is sleeping around, abusing drugs and alcohol, shoplifting daily and is quite violent, and they do that for years and years, and you stand beside them all these years, praying and praying that they would see the Lord and see how much he loves them and how much He wants them to be free, then one day they do, they do see the Lord and His love for them and receives His freedom...then a couple weeks or months down the road, though haven't left the Lord, begins to pick up some unhealthy, yet not as severe as the past, habits. This little bit of sin can sometimes be justified because it's not as bad as it was before. I find too often in the Church we think it's okay to sin a little bit, especially if we're not sinning like we did when we didn't know the Lord.

Take my neighbourhood for example. I know many people who have lived in huge addictions for most of their lives. I have walked beside people who were daily injectors. Then those same people I have also walked beside as they have gone to treatment and are no longer using heroin. Well, again - Praise God, it's really great and encouraging stuff. So great, that I might think that their pot smoking habit is okay. I mean 'its just pot right' at least it's not heroin. Bogus! Sin is sin and sin sucks. Jesus as the well didn't say, from now on sin only a little bit, he said from now on sin no more!

I think that this little bit of sin thing is more dangerous then the sinful as the world type sin. At least when your whole life revolves around sin- it's out in the open and obvious and you can only go up from here...its the little sins, the secret ones you don't tell people, the ones that are in your back closet that are the ones that will drag you deep deep down.

And this is why holiness is so important.

2009-08-26T21:28:00.002-07:00

If there is one day I look forward to all year it is The War College grad night.

Now, let's be honest, there isn't only one day I look forward to, for I'd have to throw in Christmas, and the day of Salvation, and the beginning of The War College, and Noah's birthday, and OOB, and RAW and tomorrow...but The War College grad sure is up there.

There is something so pure and Holy and awesome and right about this day. I experienced it once upon a time ago I don't remember much from it, aside from a lot of crying, some fantastic worship, a really cool write-encouragement/words from the Lord-on-our-butcher-paper-name-thing, and oily feet...though I do remember the sense of completion it brings. Do you ever sit back and think of a memory, a really good memory that makes you forget the daily troubles and constant stress? For me, right now, that memory is my War College grad night.

This year wasn't much different. There was still a lot of crying, and fantastic worship, and a really cool dance-rap-remix to 'Lo'-performed-by-the-session. There were no oily feet this time, but there was a sledgehammer and cinder blocks. And yes, the Conquerors used the sledgehammer to smash the cinder blocks! And it was awesome.

It was so great to celebrate this with the Conqueror's, so great to celebrate it with their squad leaders and teachers, with family and friends.

Some call The War College grad the end...others it's the end of the beginning.
Either way there is a huge sense of completion achieved.

You know what, I'm sitting here typing, trying to come up with words to explain what happened that night, and how to explain what broke in the Spirit and what was shaken on Earth. How to explain the joy and grace of the night....but I can't. And I realise the best explanation would be to simply invite you to next years grad. So mark, Thursday 19 August at 1830h down in your calenders and save the date. Better Yet!! Apply to The War College and experience it first hand.

So Congratulations Conquerors! A year well spent.

God Bless The War College.

Grace,
Nicole

www.thewarcollege.com

2009-08-19T23:17:00.002-07:00

God is great. Do you know that?
Ask me more and why if you don't.
But I'm pretty content (yet not content enough) with where I'm at.
It's so refreshing to be in this place, I didn't realise how dried up I was.
Praise God!

For even though I am mourning my friends who are relapsing, and literally dying and even though I am struggling with loving my brothers and sisters - I am overwhelmed with the joy of the Lord - go figure? I don't get it. I am both grieving and rejoicing...how is that possible?

I am a murderer, a filthy dirty murderer. Jesus says so.

I am looking so forward to this coming year. God is going to do great things.

Find me at www.raisedup.org, it will have the same bio you can find on www.thewarcollege.com.
I didn't really think of personalising the raisedup one, second thought probably should have.

Man, the Conqueror session of The War College graduates tomorrow! Praise God. I'll blog about the details of it later - but Praise God...I know it was one of my greater accomplishments in life. There are a couple spots left for this years session at both campus'.

Shorter blog tonight...
but I want to leave you with some websites I've :

www.raisedup.org
www.thewarcollege.com
www.myspace.com/talandacacia
and don't forget the blogroll to the right.

2009-08-10T03:11:00.002-07:00

I just finished painting her nails when I asked her "Can I write a story about you?".
"Oh wow", she says in her muffled and always slurred voice that you can only understand if you know Leighanne, "I'd love that". And she began to fill me in on some details of her life I never knew.

I've known her for nearly three years I think, though she has been living in my neighbourhood much longer then I have. But it wasn't until this past February that I fell in love with Leighanne. One night, probably a very cold one, as nights in February in Canada are like that, she came into the prayer room where I was nearing the end of my shift. After praying together for a moment she asked me "I want to go on the Journey before I die". This broke my heart, and marks the moment, as I said, that I fell in love with Leighanne. Let me set the scene for you. Leighanne is a 38 year old drug addict in the Downtown Eastside, though she looks more like 50. She was born a crack baby, what that means is her mother used while she was in the womb and was literally born addicted to drugs. After 8 years of abuse teaching her she was ugly, stupid and the only thing she was good for was sex, someone in Leighannes life (it is unsure if it is a relative or friend) tied a tourniquet around her arm and injected her with heroin. Yes, you read that right, at 8 years of age, Leighanne was forced to use heroin (not to mention also forced to have sex with men not twice, nor even three times, but 4 times her age). This was only the beginning and now 30 years later Leighanne is now a daily user who cannot control her muscles and cannot sit still, she has no teeth, full blown AIDS, Hep C, two kinds of cancer and according to doctors, should have been dead 2 months ago. Leighanne is also one of the most beautiful people I know. When she dresses up and pulls her hair back I am literally awestruck at her beauty. But her beauty goes so much deeper. She is so loving and has adopted the War College students, calling them her kids. She will often bring us gifts, and should there be any danger she is there defending and protecting us (and this is supposed to be our job). She makes sure to walk us home some nights and will help us with anything from lifting heavy items (though with her health and 90lb body she really shouldn't be) to cleaning tables.

The Journey is a 3 day retreat for women of the Downtown Eastside. And what a retreat it is. Women of the DTES are, for the most part, hurting and broken. Many of them are prostituted and sexually trafficked, beaten, bruised and raped. Others are suffering addictions and mental illnesses. When you are in the DTES you are surrounded with death, oppression, addiction, and poverty in it's most dire forms. The Journey offers women a serious getaway. It begins at lunch on a Tuesday where 10-20 ladies gather at the Great Room (appropriately named) and get chauffeured down to the ferry terminal where we then get on a boat that whisks us away to the Sunshine Coast (also appropriately named) for a 3 day 2 night, getaway of extravagance. You get off the boat and drive up the coastline for about 20 minutes until you pull into a long stretching driveway surrounded by trees on either side up to a very beautiful house. You walk into the house and you notice the 20 foot (maybe more maybe less, nonetheless it is big) ceiling in the great room. Followed by the lovely decor of fireplaces, stunning furniture, lovely artwork, and my favourite the use-any-time cappuccino machine. Upstairs are 5 or so bedrooms each painted different colors (and are known as the blue room, the yellow room, the pink room and so on) and two full bathrooms with the biggest bathtubs I have ever seen. Then you can walk up one more set of stairs and you get the the attic, my favourite room. Back downstairs there is an extravagant meal on the go, and the ladies (who, if they even get a meal on a normal day would have a peanut butter and jam sandwich, soup from a soup line, or if they are lucky maybe a slice of pizza from the corner store) get ready to enjoy a three course, home cooked, nutritious meal starting with a salad (and not just the kind with lettuce and dressing, but the kind with dried fruits, some variety of nut or seed, all displayed with a nice color contrast on fresh green lettuce) followed by some hearty entree, then a decedent desert. That's only day one. Day two offers spa treatments, hair cuts, art/music/photo therapy, and don't forget three more extravagant meals. The third day is just as great in showing the extravagant love of Christ. Basically there is no wonder to why Leighanne would like to experience a Journey before she died. Leighanne got to go on her own Journey last April.

Back to that cold February night in the prayer room, I realised something. I realised that yes, Leighanne could in fact die before the next Journey rolled around. Not the kind of die, as in we can all die at some point from a car accident or a lightning strike, but the kind of die where you're body is eating away at itself, the kind where you have full blown AIDS and catching the common cold is deadly, the kind of die when you are in chronic addiction and you're next high could be your last, the kind of die when your judgement is constantly impaired and you cannot control your muscles and walk out into traffic, the kind where you suffer from a mental illness and chronic pain and killing yourself seems like the better option. Leigannes kind of die and our kind of die are two very separate types.

Since this February night I have made it, or at least tried to make it, a priority to love Leighanne as best I can and to spend as much time as I can with her, as I know sooner or later (and let's face it, likely sooner) I won't get to see her everyday anymore. I'll forever remember the time she came with us to the Airport to pick up Megan, or the time she gave me Dominic sized hockey equipment to give him for his birthday (which he LOVED).

Leighanne has taught me a lot about love these past few months. I'd like to say Leighanne has made me a better person.

Today I enjoyed being with Leighanne greatly. We had tea together, I read part of the book I was reading aloud to her, and I as I was finishing painting her nails the brightest color red I had she said "I'd love that" in response to my question "Can I write a story about you".

Please if you are reading this, pray for Leighanne.

2009-07-28T22:54:00.002-07:00

I was scoping out some Salvo sites earlier today and two particular articles got my attention. I don't do this often [check out Salvo sites] but I'm following a couple of 'em on Twitter, and it grabbed my attention. I think I'm digging this Twitter thing - if you are too, follow me @nicolebrindle.

So the first article was about summer Kettle Campaigns.
If you're in New York anytime soon, you'll see the Salvo buckets, bells, and if you're lucky evan a brass band! The article ended with asking if we think Canada should do an impromptu out of season Kettle Campaign...my first reaction was no way!, but on second thought...Why not?

There is some real beauty to Kettle’s and the Christmas season. A time when giving is heightened and when the joy flooding the streets trumps the cold, and here in Canada, often bitter cold days.Salvation Army Kettles are a favored thing in the winter, what I mean by that is people expect to see them on street corners and in malls during the season - and by having a special time for them (rather then some thing that becomes mundane and repetitive) encourages others to give…

However, if people need help, and we need money to help others, then yeah, let us get those kettles out and about and spread the word. And though it might affect the Kettle total at Christmas by some, I think the summer and winter totals might actually increase the yearly total.

Plus, Kettles AND a tan - can’t beat the combo (though the scarves and bleeding knuckles do run a close second)

We just might need to forfeit the bells and use a harmonica or fiddle or some other summery-type instrument…

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The Second article I read was about Evangelism...but reading it I felt more like I was reading something on how not to evangelise. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a huge advocater for 'friendship evangelism' [which is what the article was about] and in my experience it has been by far the most effective for long term salvations I've seen yet. But in the article it said, be careful of pressure tactics....now although I am definitely not suggesting we pressure someone into Salvation...I am saying we must apply the pressure! Jesus is coming soon! We can't just sit here hoping we don't offend and hoping we don't 'pressure' too hard - but I say, pressure away! Ask everyone you know if they know Christ. You might be surprised at some. I heard a story once about a Corps Sargent Major who for the first time in 20 years repented for he had never heard the gospel! Salvation isn't something that can wait! Now is the time for Salvation. If we wait around for an okay moment to share the gospel with a neighbour or friend we might end up waiting around too long. We can't wait around for the right moment to share the Good News, because the right moment is right now. Our friends and neighbours are going to Hell and I don't know how we can NOT evangelise without pressure. Boldly evangelise to your friends and to strangers. Jesus is coming. Soon.

2009-07-18T12:25:00.003-07:00

More to come on Teen Camp I said. Usually when I say stuff like that, such as I'll write about that next, I don't follow through on it. This time won't be much different.

But I'll leave you with the note that it was a great week and there were some really great moments. One night I realised that I didn't know everyone who came with me. I mean I know them sure, but I don't know the deepest parts of who they are, how they grew up and what brings them joy and what brings them sorrow - and that they likely don't know about those things of me either. There is something about campfires, late nights in gazebos with tea and blankets on a summers night that pave the way of sharing life. I think it could be one of the best tools for evangelism we have, really getting to know your friends on a deep level. I have a bunch of friends who don't know the Lord, but I don't know if I can do that effectively (evangelise) without knowing them, deeply, first.

We were sent off on the note that we are created to live in community and to live simply. I hesitate to say that I will write more on those points next blog.

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So I jumped on the band wagon. I'm now twittering, follow me @nicolebrindle. I knew I'd eventually jump on this wagon, but was surprised when I did. I always was pretty vocal about not joining and thought it was silly (I also said that about Facebook and Blogger, and look where I am). My first interest though was when I heard someone say that "Tweeting" has replaced testimony, and if that's true then it's a wagon I couldn't help but jump on. But that was a few months ago. Then I saw Caitlyn's page Saturday night as she was checking it at my place and it just looked cool - so here I am.

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I hear The War College is the place to be this September.
www.thewarcollege.com

2009-07-12T06:34:00.003-07:00

I had a great week at Teen Camp. More to come on that.

Did you read my last post on Worship, and how I think (and to be honest I think I'm right) is the most unselfish thing you can do? If not, scroll down and read it now. If you did then I want to talk about the most selfish thing one can do. Sin.

Sin sucks. It just plain sucks.

I know many people, and I've been there before who just can't seem to shake it, their sinful nature that is, who are stuck in this sticky, slimy, gross sin. I had a picture, vision, dream, whatever you want to call it, once of someone stuck in this tar like goop, representing sin. The more they tried to get themselves out of it, say by trying to wipe it off, the more the tar spread. We have all become sinners (refer to doctrine 5). We are born into a world of sin and born with a sinful nature. It is who we are, and to get rid of it ourselves will cause us to get stickier and slimier and more engulfed in the tar. As the vision goes on there was only one thing that could separate us from the tar, which was oil or I'd say the anointing of the Holy Ghost. Or perhaps a better analogy would be blood, and that Christ's death and Resurrection is the 'oil' that removes the 'tar'. Analogy's aside, sin sucks, it is gross and sticky but Christ has provided a way out.

In my experience with sin, which as a sinner I'm actually quite experienced in, my focus immediately is turned to me. Hence the selfishness of it. I think "how can i cover this up so no one will know". I begin to think every time someone says "let's talk" it is immediately because they have figured out what I've done. I begin to think I am inadequate to disciple, teach, lead (which really if in sin I am). And I stop praying or evangelising or reading the Bible. Come on, I know we've all been there to some degree. Sin is the most selfish thing anyone can do. When you sin you are denying people of your holiness (Christ's holiness in you), and if you are living in community then you are denying your community of corporate holiness (for I believe that corporate holiness is dependant on personal holiness). When you sin you are causing other people to hurt and if you're doing it in secret then you are denying those who are close to you the fullness of who you are. Stop sinning and stop being selfish.

That's my angry side with sin because it really does make me angry - but as angry as I am I have such compassion for the sinner. I was going to write about a friend of mine, but as I wrote it out it got too personal. But here's the thing. I love her deeply and dearly. I am so angry at the addiction in her life, I am angry at lust and I hate alcohol more then ever - but when I see her and pray for her and think about her I am heart broken. It brings me to mourning and I long to see her set free. I still hate the sin in her life, but I love her more everyday. (Isn't there some over-used phrase about that)

When we are sin-free though we are then not selfish. And being completely selfless as I suggest means being in full worship of the King of Kings, which is just another way to say holiness. We have been born sinners, but Christ has declared us saints. I say as a sinner I know the consequence of sin all too well. But as a saint I see the beauty of holiness even more.

So if you're feeling stuck in this tar-sin stuff - get washed in the Blood of the Lamb and get free. It's really the only way.

2009-07-04T17:49:00.002-07:00

Well, I'm heading out of town tomorrow for a week (yipee for Teen Camp!) and won't have any computer access...so to keep with my regular blogging goal, I thought it be best to post something today.

I'm trying to filter my thoughts to find something bloggable. My thoughts range from hope and hopelessness to family and the spirit of adoption to victory and discouragement. All too much to break down it seems.

But let me tell you where I'm at. I'm completely hopeless with my eyes set ahead. I am discouraged by almost everything I see and hear yet my eyes are set on things above. I am feeling alone and defeated, but I am a child of the King and surrounded by a family so deep. So all in all, things are great.

It's really easy to look at the moment, well because it is happening now and let's face it a lot of it sucks (I speak personally here, but I Praise God if this is not so in your life). It's so easy to get caught up in the nitty gritty of things and to get discouraged by it all. I have to challenge myself all the time (I was going to write daily, but to be honest, it is much more of a minutely thing) to take my eyes off of myself and off of the world around me and gaze into the face of Christ. This classic song "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace" says it best.

So practically, how do we do it? How do we not get discouraged when your family members get really sick or when your friends are dying in their addiction or when your neighbourhood is full of oppression and death or when your closest buddy won't turn from their sin, or when it seems like you just can't do anything right or please everyone no matter how hard you try? The simple answer is to worship. To fall facedown in His presence and relent everything. I'm not talking about singing pretty songs or playing nice instruments (although in my experience those times have been some of the sweetest times), I'm talking about plain and simple worship. Worship that looks like honoring the Lord with your actions and thoughts. Worship that looks like abandoning idols. Worship that looks like not denying the Holy Ghost. Worship that looks like encouraging your brothers and sisters. Worship that looks like proclaiming the name of Yahweh, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace, the Alpha and Omega, the Wonderful Counsellor, the Beautiful Saviour.

Because it is when we worship, that it is when we forget about ourselves and those problems that seem to take over our minds. When we worship, our discouragement and fears fade away. Worship is the most unselfish thing one can do. Surely you can't possibly be thinking about your problems or those of your friends when you are facedown in the presence of the King.

So next time you are thinking too much about the moment, too much about those little (and sometimes big) things that get you or the next time you seem to be caught up in that nasty sin again, I exhort you to worship and set your eyes on things above. I exhort you to pick up the Bible and read aloud some scripture. I exhort you to pick up a guitar or tickle the ivory's. I exhort you to sing a new song. I exhort you with all that is in me to worship our Father with all that is in you.

May you find peace as you worship.

2009-06-28T02:44:00.009-07:00

More on Open-Theism:
The more I think about this, the more I am convinced that prayer changes things. The more I think about this, the more I am convinced that God is sovereign, that won't change. I still struggle to see how the two line up, but in the end do they not co-exist?

A friend of mine emailed me upon my last post, and a notable mark was,
"Does this mean He is not sovereign?
Not necessarily. I believe that God is sovereign - so sovereign, in fact, that He can limit his sovereignty, when required, to allow for humans' free will."
I have no concrete thoughts on the above, but something to think about and discuss.

Another friend of mine patented: "You can't earn God's love, but you can earn His trust".
On that, there is nothing you can do to make God love you more or less, simple, Biblical, overwhelmingly graceful and uncomprehendable, but true. However, I am convinced that through discipline, obedience, faithfulness and covenant God then trusts us more and more. I think this is where I relate to the idea of open-theism. That God's sovereignty allows Him to trust us, and in this case, to trust us in our prayer. And by trusting our prayers, things begin moving and shaking.

Here's a quote from Foster's book, Celebration of Discipline:
"The Bible speaks so forcefully about the openness of our universe that it speaks of God constantly changing His mind in accordance with His unchanging love."
(so far just a quote, I haven't dived enough into that thought to put my opinion beside it)

John Wesley stated that: “God does nothing except in answer to prayer.” (which Creation in itself might trump that, but it is John Wesley who said it...)

Of course, it is well within God’s power to do anything He wishes, at any time He wishes, in any way He wishes. Yet, He often chooses to accomplish His will and purpose through us. People often ask in dire situations, 'Where is God', but sometimes the more appropriate answer might be 'Where is God's people'.

I know that prayer is not manipulation, and hope I am not suggesting that but I would suggest it is partnership. And I'd also suggest that if we want to see God's blessings upon others (and ourselves) to increase, our prayers must increase. That said, I often fall short of that. I often get hopeless and not pray. I look out my window and see the dreadful effect of addiction and poverty. I see people I love dearly fall in and out of the same sin. I experience depression and self hatred frequently and stew in hopelessness...and in all that, I am convinced if I increased my prayers I would then see my neighbourhood dancing for joy, I would see dear friends liberated and I would be fully free.

Open-Theism, has also been described to me as God playing chess with us. That He is always one move up on us. That He will always win the game - but each individual move is new to Him. I think I might agree with that. (though that said, I do agree with the Psalmist who says, that He knows my every thought, my every move, my rising and my sleeping, my standing up and my sitting down, and with Jeremiah who says, that before I was formed in my mother's womb, He knew me)

Does this mean I'm an open-theist? I believe that prayer changes things. I believe that God listens to me. And I certainly believe that God is all knowing and sovereign. And if so, does that mean I'm a heretic?

2 Chronicles 7:14
If my people, who are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

2009-06-22T05:09:00.002-07:00

At a birthday brunch this past weekend a couple friends and I decided what a great idea it was to make goals for the year. I now have 24 goals to complete by next June. One of my goals (although not an original, for it only became a goal 2 minutes ago) is to blog regularly.

The thing about goals is that it is automatic accountability, if you share them that is. I like the motivation and competition behind it. They have been written on paper, shared with friends and there's no turning back. I'm not going to write my goals out, I'm just sharing that I am going to attempt a more regular blog.

Today is the first attempt of such.

I have been having a few conversations lately on open-theism. Please excuse my ignorance, but my best attempt to explain it is that it is a spectrum. On one side you've got open-theism, which is the belief that your fasting and prayers change God's mind, that the amount of heart, time and discipline of a prayer determines the outcome. Where as the complete opposite side of the spectrum, let's call it closed-theism, more for laughs then reality, is God is sovereign and in control of all and there is no amount of prayer or fasting one can do to change anything for He alone is God.

Both sides scare me.
Side A, can result in self-righteousness and playing God. If we believe that God is Creator, Governor and Preserver of all things, then I don't know how we can even for a second think that us, mere mortals, can do or make anything happen or not happen.
Side Z, can result in a really apathetic and undisciplined lifestyle and a prayer life that is dead - and really wonder in this case, what is the point of praying.

Though, if given only those two extremes, I think I would tend to lean far more towards open-theism then anything.

I guess balance is really key here. To know that God is sovereign but to believe that prayer is necessary for world changing results.

This has all got me thinking about prayer, and thinking about how I have experienced prayer. There was a time in my life when I was a disciplined list prayer. I would get my prayer list out everyday - pray for people by name and for specific situations. When I think about those days, or read journals from those days I really see where God has answered prayer. And I wonder if my fasting and praying did something to make that happen, is it why God did what I asked him to, or, here's the kicker, was it simply that because of the discipline and intensity, were my eyes open to it more.

I don't know. I still think it is better to think like an open-theist then a 'closed'-theist, but I don't see how it lines up doctrinally. Can you be an open-theist, yet still honor God in fullness as Creator, Governor, and Preserver of all things?

On a lighter note, saw my second Coldplay show last night, which actually has me in thought about worship...stay tuned.

You'll want to check out 100 Huntley Street, Tuesday 6AM (BC Time) Major Winn Blackman is on talking about Human Traffiking.

2009-06-07T02:17:00.005-07:00

Today marks my 500th post.
Today is also one of my greatest friend's birthdays...Tasha Chooi.
It is a bit of a longer read, but it is worth it, I assure you.
Plus there's a video I want you to watch at the end.

When I get hopeless, I remind myself of people like Tasha, and I find hope.

I met Tasha when she was like 12, but we began our friendship about three years after that. After a messy breakup and moving out on her own, Tash was left hurting and broken. I won't put out details, but I'm sure if you asked she would love to tell you her testimony. When I moved to Victoria I met a very sweet and fun girl, but I also met someone who had been damaged. We became friends right away and I cannot explain in words the love I have for her. I was in Victoria for my summer assignment with The War College (see http://www.thewarcollege.com/) and moved back to Vancouver. The plan wasn't to come back to Victoria, but 9 months later there I was. I came back to a Tasha who had given up. Who was hurting so bad you could see it all over her. She tried to put a smile on, and looked beautiful doing it, but if you knew Tash, you knew she was hurting. Over the next few months I saw Tasha fall hard. She kept falling and falling and I kept loving her and loving her. At times I thought she was going to die, and I would cry out to the Lord to rescue her, but it seemed the more I did that the further she went. Addictions began to rule her life, and I joined in with the Father weeping bitterly for her return. Six months later, after an attempt to reunite with her dad failed, she found herself homeless and more broken then ever. This is when she moved in with me. Those were some of the best days of my life, and some of the hardest and most trying too. Our friendship was on the rocks. Addiction, lying and rebellion were Tasha's masters. It hurt so bad watching the enemy grab her, and hold her and lure her away. Things got pretty bad and we had to ask her to leave. I still don't know if this was for the best. I thought our friendship was over for sure and it grieved me so much. That lasted a week.

No matter how much I prayed, how much people tried to help her, she was so entangled in the enemy's lies and schemes, I honestly lost all hope she would ever return to Christ. I wrote a song for Tasha. It is based on the parable of the Prodigal Son. Maybe I'll even record it and post it as a gift for Tash, for now check out the lyrics.

She was with him, and asked may I go.
He said yes, but take my blessing with you.
So off she went on her own and treated his gift like dirt.
Now she is out there lost and is so hurt.

The Father says, I'll welcome you, so come to me.

She is so far away so far away is she.
She is so far away so far away.

The Father says, I welcome you, come to me.

He sees her in the distance and begins to prepare.
He gets out his finest wine and sets her place.
He puts on his finest robe and he waits.

The Father says, I welcome you, so come to me.

As she approaches he runs to her.
He wraps his arms around her neck and his tears wet her hair.

The Father says, I've welcomed you, please stay with me.

When I wrote this song, Tasha was in the second verse. Hurt, lost, alone, scared and so far away. The final verses were sung prophetically for her. (I don't want to give away the punch line of this post, but I think it's safe to assume it has a happy ending. I now rejoice that Tasha's life more reflects the last verse of the above song.)

Around this time I hit a pretty hard rock bottom in my life. Long story short (and I don't want to take Tasha's thunder away either) things got pretty bad for me that I had to quit my job and move back to surround myself with community.

July 1st 2007 marks the day I moved. Praise God it doesn't mark the day Tasha and I stopped being friends. I still consider Tasha one of my closest friends and I am blessed beyond measure in that. The next year and a half Tasha went through many more trials. More messy relationships, more moving, more rejection. I longed to be with Tasha holding her close, but distance separated us this time.

Like I said, I had lost a lot of hope in Tasha returning to Christ. I don't mean that to sound terrible. The entire time I still loved Tasha, I still prayed for her, I still trusted the Lord to save her but I couldn't see it.

Yet now, Tasha continues to surprise me with her ever increasing wisdom and ever increasing faith. She has abandoned many idols in her life. She is running forward into the arms of Christ. Now when I talk to her she always talks about how good God has been to her, how she is getting freer daily. She is being discipled by fabulous people. She is Highpoint Corps music directer. Tasha brings me great joy and great hope. When days look bad, and when I see people I love fall down over and over, I remind myself of people like Tasha and my hope is restored.

Tasha writes for the Highpoint blog, http://www.pointful.ca/, every Friday. This is her most resent post - and I encourage you to read it as it highlights her testimony a bit and has a pretty encouraging bio at the bottom.

Just in case you don't read it, but I encourage you to, I've attached a video to my blog as she has on hers. It is the gospel in choreodrama form. It brings me to tears every time I watch it...which is a pretty frequent thing for me these days, because I frequent Tasha's blog. This is a very long blog as it is, so I'm not going to preach or whatever about the clip, I'll do that in a couple days. But please watch it. And please, please, please, if you identify yourself with Tasha's story or the girl in the video keep running to Christ. Keep pressing you in. He is longing for you to come home.

Happy Birthday Tasha!

2009-05-27T17:38:00.007-07:00

16 days without blogging, surely I can do better then that.
I was out of town for five of them, no excuse really, more of a segway into this blog.

Those five days I spent in Minneapolis Minnesota with a crowd from 24-7 Prayer. Check 'em out at http://www.24-7prayer.com/, and be sure to hit the 'communities' section and then scroll down to 'Vancouver 614'. But don't neglect the rest either - good site, good guys.

I didn't really know why I was going to this 24-7 gathering, or what would happen. I got asked, and I like travelling and networking and Aaron, so I went. It was really good, but if asked why it was so good, I don't know if I could give a concrete answer.

Hear me out as I process the week.

The first couple days I got to sit in on an international leaders meeting where I guess some of the logistics and operations of 24-7 happened. It was great to sit in and kinda get a sneak peek at it all, and see how it runs a little more clearly. If you're Salvo affiliated, I suppose it would be like a 24-7 rep sitting in on a DHQ meeting, where you don't necessarily know what is meant by the militant terms or structure system, but by sitting in you get a bit more informed. We talked about some really cool things - and as soon as some get ironed out a bit I'll blog about that. In the meantime go back to the 24-7 website above and click on the 'learning' link and read about Transit.

The next few days were the International Communities Gathering. This is where people from most (if not all) the North American Boiler Rooms came together. Here, we prayed a lot, surprise. They were split into 2-3 hour sessions given a topic or scripture and prayed. The first one we read chunks of Scripture from John 14 through to 16 and prayed. So it was basically a 3 hour Pray the Bible for those of you familiar with the context here. The next one was about a lot actually, I don't want to define it, but the Spirit of Adoption and how as Community we can adopt people in, and not just in theory but in family. That was my favourite one - it's close to my heart. Then on the last day we spent solid time praying and laying on hands for each Boiler Room Community - really good stuff.

And of course in all of that there were fires on roofs, tattoos, really hot weather, meals on blankets, and a wackload of great people.

Coming back to the original question I keep asking myself, why so great? Perhaps it was something new and fresh. Something that made things like unity and covering and fitting in a bit more real. Or something that made me feel special. I'm not sure. But it was really really good. People I've never met before were so great, I sure hope people react to us as a community the same way. To come visit people they've never met, and going back refreshed and loved. Hey why not come visit us and let us know!

2009-05-10T06:11:00.002-07:00

I do have something profound to say, I know it. I just left my journal at home that has all I want to write about. In the meantime let's talk about politics and study.

We have a Provincial Election on Tuesday. I'm going to vote- I'm just still torn on who to vote for. There was an add in the Newspaper today claiming the NDPs were going to jack up the price of alcohol. The add was supposed to deter you away from voting NDP, but it had the opposite effect for me...though torn I still am.

Neither of the two parties I am debating between have exactly what I would want in a government. I've got to examine, pray and decide after I've weighed the cost. But I'll take your opinion into consideration also.

If I vote one way I'll see poverty decline and an end to war, yet I'll also see same sex marriage and drug legalisation.

If I vote the other way I'll see less firearms, higher age of consent and pro(er) life morals, yet I'll also see the rich get richer and the poor get poorer and more war.

(assuming of coarse my vote votes the Premier in)

So study... I'm thinking of going to school.
Law stuff maybe?
But why?
Why not?

2009-04-30T01:04:00.001-07:00

and because I said April's goal was 7 posts.
Here we are at post number 7
:)

2009-04-30T00:50:00.002-07:00

Because I said my next blog would be sweet stories from The War Room.
Here it goes.
I fell in love in The War Room. Over and over and over again, I fall in love with Christ. The way he greets me, the way he holds me, the way he whispers to me. That's the sweetest it gets. Can't get much sweeter.

Some other great things have happened in TWR. It's where I fell in love with Leighanne. Leighanne has been a dear friend to us here in the DTES from the very beginning. One of those old faithfuls you never expect will leave, and she hasn't let us down yet. One time I was in TWR, not too long ago actually, she came up and flatly said I want to go on the next journey. Because she has been down here forever I was actually surprised to hear she had never gone on the journey - a spiritual getaway for Women of the DTES. That night we talked and prayed in TWR and I fell in love with her.

I remember my first day walking into the War Room. The sweetness and presence of God was thick and beautiful.

The War Room has taught me discipline and accountability.
I have met with the Lord over and over and over again and have been blessed and healed and set free over and over and over again.

Detailed stories will come later - first It'll be nice if you can leave a comment with your favourite War Room Stories.

2009-04-27T06:04:00.003-07:00

I know I said April post #5 would be on The War Room...but I was reading this in the paper this morning - and wanted to post it, as I beleive it to be important. I'll write about TWR next, I assure you.
---
Insite's appeal goes to court today.
A year ago, InSite was given a one year extension on their application to remain open. That year is up on 30 June. Today they go to court to appeal the federal government's decision in hopes of remaining open.

I know InSite and the idea of a "safe" injection site is controversial, and I'm not telling you to pick one side or the other, but I am urging us all to be in prayer. Pray for the Father's heart. Pray for those in/near our neighbourhoods and workplaces who are trapped in addiction. The courts decision will effect our workplaces, friends and neighbours. It will effect the homelessness rate and the death rates. Please pray.

If you're up for it, fast and pray for the courts to deny InSite's proposal to remain open

InSite is the only supervised injection site in North America.
InSite opened in 2003, since then it has seen over 1, 000, 000, 000 injections.
There have been 2395 overdoses.
Please pray.

2009-04-26T00:58:00.003-07:00

There is a community garden here in the DTES we help run. If I had a photo of it, I would post it with this blog, but since I don't I will describe the scene to you until I find one.

On Hastings Street, between Main and Columbia lies this patch of beauty in the midst of horror. Main and Hastings is known notoriously. Locals call this intersection Pain and Wastings and are quite accurate in doing so. The drug rates and disease rates are climbing high, fast. Poverty and addiction have taken over these streets. People are dying down here everyday. Garbage, including used needles and condoms, complete the decor of the DTES.

Next door to InSite, our local needle exchange and "safe" injection site where people walk into death daily, lies a beautiful garden full of life and beauty. This is our community garden. You walk down Hastings and see constant death but then as your eyes meet with this garden you are then instantly reminded of hope and life and beauty. I can't describe to you the beauty of it - but it is nicely juxtaposed surrounded by such despair.

Not only is it a source of hope to the eye - it is also quite practical. Part of the whole poverty thing leaves a lot of our neighbours hungry and/or malnourished, but with a garden full of vegetables that hunger can be satisfied.

It actually took me a while to dig the garden (no pun intended). I had no interest in it, and thought it was almost pathetic that others were so into it. I wouldn't be vocal with that opinion and would show up to garden when I could- but thought it was a waste of time, and valuable space too. I found it a waste of time because I could think of a million things that seems more important and practical then gardening. This opinion of mine lasted for months.

It wasn't until I was in there one day and I saw the growth. There were pea's growing and ready to eat. I picked one up, and it wasn't until I ate it that I was able to see that this was good. Taste and see that the Lord is good. It was then I realised how a beautiful presence is important and not a waste of time. I realised then that our hungry friends and neighbours could have access to free, nutritious food. I realised that spending time in the garden also brought us many new friends as people would come in to see whats going on. I also began to understand all the kingdom parallels this garden could teach us.

So now, my opinion has completely flipped regarding this garden. It's beautiful and our neighbours are genuinely happy it is here, mostly because of the beauty it brings to the DTES.

2009-04-19T00:44:00.005-07:00

Last April I blogged 6 times, this is only post number 3 and the month ends in less then two weeks - plus I'm going out of town this week so my blogging days are limited. And 6 is a shy number in itself. April Goal: blog 7 times.

It's not that I have a lack of things to say, far from it actually. Maybe that's the issue, I have so much to say, I just can't pick!

I know I already wrote a bit about prayer - but because that's where I am at, that's what I'll continue to write about.

I live in a really neat neighbourhood and I live with really neat people. One of the coolest things we do is pray. My favourite prayer season we have been in is when we take 3 hours shifts and go 24/7 - non stop prayer - one time we did it for 4 years, not to brag - but come on - it is pretty cool.

I think though we have now entered my new favourite prayer rhythm.

There are 4 different 'faith communities' here in the DTES. We're not that special - basically all we do is move into the DTES and make friends. Though we are similar, we each bring something unique to the table. I'm part of 614, which is a Salvation Army Corps, there is also one called St. Ciara's community (Anglican background I believe), Servants (http://www.servantsasia.org/index.php/canada/vancouver-community), and Jacob's Well (http://www.jacobswell.ca/?page_id=10). We are all friends and often spin off each other for various things - we've had people from all three teach at our War College (http://www.thewarcollege.com/), as well as we have taught/shared with them. We've shared babysitters and pastoral care. We have also all been a part of a community garden (perhaps I'll blog about that for April blog #4)

This past month though, I think we have really begun to taste the fullness of unity, the unity of prayer. 614 has a 24/7 prayer room and for most of that time we have prayed non-stop 24 hours a day 7 days a week (April blog #5 shall have some really sweet stories from there). So we begun the first week of April with a community meal shared by the above four mentioned communities and for that first week Servants, Jacob's Well and St. Ciara's joined us in our non-stop prayer rhythm. This past week was the Servants host week and we joined in with their prayer rhythm, which was three time daily prayers. Due to schedule I didn't get to catch any of the afternoon ones, but I got to as many morning and evening prayers as I could. The mornings we prayed liturgy together - I've done liturgical prayers here and there - but there was a fullness to them doing them with the Servants - for with it they brought an authority of discipline. The evenings was a Taize chant, followed by reading a Psalm and then a quiet reflection of your day with the LORD. I very very very rarely fit in a daily silent reflection time - but after experiencing that with the Servants - I shan't stop. I can't - I've tasted and seen how good it is, and now before I retire to bed I plan to continue in this rhythm personally. If we hadn't joined together in prayer, I wouldn't have developed this now necessary-for-me discipline. Next week is Jacob's Well's week and I'm looking forward to joining in with their host week, and St. Ciara's to follow.

We'd be fools to think that we got it all - that we don't need each other. Sure I could continue with my own prayer rhythms or that of my community, and probably still be okay, and probably still meet with the Lord and probably still be refined over and over- but golly I'd be missing out on a whole lot. There are things that other communities, fellowships, Christians and Church traditions bring that I'd never see on my own, just as I'm sure there are things I/we could bring elsewhere to deepen others. We only know in part now, one day we will see in full...until then we need to be seeking the fullness - which this past week has taught me comes in the unity of prayer.

I think prayer is hands down the most intimate and personal thing you can do with Christ. Where you can meet him in your brokenness and joy. Where mysteries are unveiled and striving ceased. As personal and intimate as it is, there is a great fullness that comes when you pray for one another with one another. I said in my last post that I think praying without ceasing is not only attainable but our mandate as believers - I think I also want to propose that praying together is just as attainable and mandated.

2009-04-15T18:29:00.002-07:00

Life from last week to this week hasn't really changed at all.

The same things that I was rejoicing over I still rejoice in. The same things that were burdening I still mourn over. My schedule remains the same and the people in my life haven't changed either. But last week I was overwhelmed, emotional, feeling like I was letting everyone down and ready to give up - and this week I am full of peace. Full stop.

But like I said, life from last week to this week haven't really changed at all.

I am prone to wander when I am overwhelmed. I am prone to seek man's advice and comfort when I am fearful and alone. Last week I was in that place where everything feels like it is falling apart, and when one thing goes wrong after another, and when your family is suffering and your friends are suffering and you are suffering and hope is far from your radar. And in those times I am prone to give up praying too.

I am a firm believer of praying without ceasing - I think it is entirely possible, doable and I might even be so bold to say it is our mandate as believers. Knowing fully there have been times I wouldn't be able to receive a longest prayer award - I still think we must.

I did something this past week that surprised me, perhaps it will surprise you too: In the midst of chaos and turmoil where I am quick to give up I prayed! (Shocking I know). Why did that surprise me? Why did the peace and freedom I received from prayer blow my socks off? I'm not sure - it's pretty elementary - the whole prayer thing - in Philippians 4 Paul even testifies to this:

Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

As an intercessor I am aware of the warfare around it - and be prepared for warfare, but also be prepared and expectant of God's peace as you pray. Pray without ceasing. If you won't listen to me, listen to Paul. It may be elementary, but it is so so so good.

May the God of PEACE, touch you.

2009-04-06T04:51:00.002-07:00

So let's say I want to write about healing - I could throw in the cliche Isaiah 53 verse or Psalm 103 and maybe a red-letter healing or two - but I don't know how that would help [this writing]. Now I need you to know that in no way am I trying to say that we can't look at scripture for the answer of healing - rather far from that because I think Biblical Interpretation is foundational and vital in understanding healing...

...Isaiah 53 says that by his stripes we are healed (with some just as profound surrounding verses). And Psalm 103 (yeah I know - I still added the cliche verses in - I just didn't want the above paragraph to lead anyone in a way of scripture less thinking, or that someone may think I take the Word of God lightly) tells us that surely our iniquities were taken up with him on the cross...but I still don't get it. I still don't get why thousands of my neighbours are infected with AIDS or Hep C, I still don't get why over 400 children die daily of preventable diseases. Our God is a God who heals - so why don't' we see it [more often].

I don't think it has much to do with faith at all, or at least how much people say it is. I think we need faith - but I think we give it [and ourselves] too much credit in the whole healing thing. I think rather then not having enough faith we simply don't pray enough. We don't ask God to heal enough. We don't fast enough and we don't lay on hands enough. Enough meaning we want to see people healed.

I was recently a substitute War College teacher and with less then 5 minutes to prepare I threw out the healing topic for discussion as I've been questioning it lately and was interested in what others thought. I think I've been questioning the whole healing thing lately because of my friend Leighanne. Let me segway a bit and talk about Leighanne.

She's been here since before we were. She's one of the most loveliest and loyal people I know. She's also a drug addict and has full blown AIDS. She has been told by doctors that she has until June to live. I can't imagine the DTES without Leighanne, nor re:cre8 or even The War College. Leighanne takes great care of us and consistently watches out for us. She calls The War College students her kids and brings us all tremendous joy [and sometimes sorrow - through no fault of her own, more the oppression upon her that we grieve]. She is in daily pain and is dying. It breaks my heart, yet I've (we've) never prayed for her to be healed. I have never called upon the LORD to deliver her of her iniquities. I have never fasted and prayed and laid on hands expecting the LORD to free her. So it can't even begin to be a faith thing - I'd argue that is is much more of an obedience thing. At the end of Mark Jesus commands us to lay hands on the sick [and they will recover]. It's like fasting - he doesn't ask us to nor suggest we should but requires it of us.

Is it like justice? That if you don't choose to stand up for the oppressed you are then on the side of the oppressor. So if you don't fast and pray for the sick...

Then we can get into a whole nother discussion about Spiritual Gifts, but i will leave it relatively short. Healing is a widely spoken about gift and maybe one of the more practical ones out there, yet we aren't claiming it. I think tongues is a bit more whacked out then healing - yet I know more people who are operating in tongues then I do healing. Not because I don't think people are gifted in healing - but because they don't know it. Best way to find out is try - pray for the sick. Lay hands on those suffering. Test it out. Let's see people healed.

2009-03-29T02:19:00.002-07:00

We are a bunch of selfish fools!
Living in North America makes me one of the worst too.

I am here at the computer doing my regular computer routine...check the email, go on facebook and begin the blog rounds. Then I get to my mates blog. He has a post up right now suggesting we write letters to Mars and join in StopTheTraffik.org's March on Mars campaign. Check it out, it's a campaign encouraging Mars Chocolate to go Fair Trade like their competitor Cadbury UK. It's as simple as copy and pasting a template into an email. I also suggest printing off a bunch and distributing it through your community, corps, workplace or school to increase the impact.

I have now spent the past while (2+ hours that is) reading heart breaking stories of human traffiking and enslaved children. Reading stories about young girls moving with plans of making money to send back home only to find out they have been sold and have a $40,000 debt to pay off through sexual exploitation. Reading stats like every three seconds a child dies. 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi - dead. 4 Mississippi, 5 Mississippi, 6 Mississippi - dead.

I am heartbroken.

As I read I feel both helpless and selfish.
Helpless as there isn't a whole lot I can do,
and selfish as there is a whole lot I can do. Sponsor a kid for one.

I often go through these justice phases - yet through the selfishness of my sinful nature (and quite frankly the majority of the Western World) these justice phases often fade as I focus on work, friends and family, and get wrapped up in 'my own world' and 'my own stresses'. Have you ever gotten fired up with the thought of stomping upon injustice but before you know it you're not so pumped. Or even had the desire to sponsor a child, only to months later realise you haven't yet. That's our selfishness at it's best (or really it's worst), we don't even realise our heart for justice is growing cold! I find that global justice quickly fades into local pleasures - but the Lord requires something different of us.

I end this blog now but won't be ending what the Lord requires.

I am convicted in how selfish I (we) am (are) and I am hopeful in God.
I am hopeful because he is God. He reigns. He is just. And He is here.

ps- 29 children died as you read my blog.

2009-03-23T06:05:00.003-07:00

To those requesting to hear my Salvo ticket story:

I was pulling off my street and came to a stop sign. If you are familiar with my street, you don't stop at the corner of Alexander and Main unless there's oncoming traffic, and as any other time I did a "rolling stop". As I did this the lights go on and the sirens sound. I looked over at Jessica and asked "am I really getting pulled over?" She wonders what I even did wrong. I rolled down my window and the policeman began to tell me that I didn't fully stop yadda yadda yadda. He proceeds to ask for my licence which I failed to produce (it was in my top drawer of my dresser in my house half a block away) - offence number 2.
Mr. Policeman asked me then where I was coming from. I said The Salvation Army, as I had just finished serving coffee at re:cre8 and was driving Jessica home. He then asked me if I had proof I was with The Salvation Army. He suggested a flyer. That I didn't have. Neither of us was wearing Salvo gear either. Then I remembered I had a business card in my glove box I pulled it out and he then said, I'm not going to ticket you because you do good work, and then he thanked me for what we do. He did make me go home and get my licence though.

A week later I got pulled over again for the same thing, only it wasn't a rolling stop, but a full running of the red light and a different intersection - if I get a defence I hadn't slept the night before and I was tired - that should be as illegal as drunk driving! It was then I thought I would give up driving for lent. (didnt happen) Anyways I got a $168 ticket for that one. Bummer. (for the record I'm typically a good driver - I felt the need to promote that)

And for promised RAW highlights check out Armybarmy's blog, Highpoints Blog (which has a sweet video up) and The War College blog. Speaking of that, The War College blog is at a new location on our new updated website, http://www.thewarcollege.com/ - check out the site it's good stuff and don't forget to hit the apply button at the top right.

2009-03-22T01:22:00.002-07:00

My reply from Cadbury Canada.

Ticket story and RAW highlights forthcoming...

Dear Ms. Brindle:

Thank you for contacting us about our products. Your comments and inquiries are appreciated because they provide valuable feedback about our brands.

Cadbury has been making great brands that people love for more than 200 years. We are proud of our family of confectionery products and are committed to providing a wide range of choices for all individuals.

Described below are some of the key initiatives undertaken by Cadbury regarding cocoa farming and harvesting:
“We are working with all stakeholders involved in the production of chocolate - from bean to chocolate bar - to boost the economic livelihood of cocoa farmers and workers and ensure that cocoa is grown in a sustainable and ethical way. Working with governments and other international organizations, we have programs underway throughout West Africa to:- Help farmers collectively market their produce - resulting in 15-20% increases in producer prices for those involved in the program.- Help cocoa farmers create a sustainable, biologically diverse agricultural system to generate better yields, more consistent crops and respect the environment.- Implement responsible pest and disease management.- Invest in social infrastructure, for example building water wells.- Promote ethical working practices with a time bound program to certify that cocoa is grown and harvested under internationally acceptable conditions with regard to the use of labor of all ages.

These are complex issues and it will take time before the real results can be seen. However, Cadbury has a long heritage of supporting cocoa farmers and a strong ethical foundation that has and continues to guide all aspects of our business. We continue to be committed to the achievement of these goals. “

Fair trade - and the Cadbury approach
We are committed to improving the livelihoods of cocoa farmers and their families and share this goal with the Fair Trade Movement.We want all farmers to receive a fair return for their cocoa crops and Fairtrade is one way of achieving this goal.

Fairtrade - the facts
In the Fairtrade system farmers must be members of a co-operative.A minimum price is paid for the produce and a $150 premium goes into a social development fund run by the co-operative.Benefits to the farmer come from the efficient co-operative system, which keeps costs low. From those savings farmers can receive a small annual bonus.

Co-operatives
Fairtrade works with farms that have access to good communications and warehousing facilities and can form co-operatives.However, there are very few of these. The majority of cocoa farmers do not have access to this level of infrastructure as many are small family-owned operations in remote areas. Therefore they are unable to benefit from the Fairtrade system.The majority of Fairtrade chocolate comes from co-operatives in three countries: Ghana Bolivia Belize the Dominican Republic.Successful and well-managed co-operative systems are relatively new in the Cote d'Ivoire. Until recently all cocoa marketing was controlled by the national government.

The Cadbury approach
Fairtrade is not the only way to ensure farmers receive a fair return for their crops - particularly since many do not have access to the infrastructure to make Fairtrade possible.We aim to help all cocoa farmers improve their standard of living by developing sustainable crops of quality beans that command a higher price.

We are constantly working with all stakeholders involved in the production of chocolate - from bean to bar to: boost the economic livelihood of cocoa farmers and workers ensure that cocoa is grown in a sustainable and ethical way.

Our work with governments and other international organisations has helped establish programmes throughout West Africa to: Help farmers to collectively market their produce - resulting in an estimated 10% increase in producer prices for those involved in the programme Assist farmers in creating a sustainable, environmentally and biologically diverse agricultural system - to generate better yields and consistent crops Implement responsible pest and disease control management Boost investment in social infrastructure, for example, building water wells.

Cadbury and Ghana - a history
Ghana supplies Cadbury with the great majority of its cocoa.In 1908 William Cadbury turned to the Gold Coast (now Ghana) where the cocoa industry was in its infancy.He worked with the local chiefs to improve the quality of cocoa and provide a ready market for their produce.For almost 100 years, we have continued to help Ghanaian cocoa farmers to maximise their benefit from cocoa growing.Ghana's cocoa production grew from 2,800 tons in 1905 to 400,000 in 2002. Cadbury has played a leading role in this as well as the economic, social and agricultural development of the industry and the country.By the late 1960s, Ghanaian cocoa was considered to be among the finest in the world, largely because of Cadbury's efforts.The quality of the Ghanaian cocoa crop still commands a premium of some three per cent over the price of cocoa from the neighbouring Cote d'Ivoire. This additional revenue is a huge benefit to the Ghanaian economy.

Cadbury also directly supports cocoa farming communities.For example, drinking water is not readily accessible in many remote cocoa farming areas.More than 250 water wells have been built in recent years.We are working to build more, to provide year-round access to clean drinking water for cocoa villages in Ghana in partnership with the farmers' co-operative, Kuapa Kokoo.

Summary
It is vital for the whole industry that all farmers receive a fair return for their cocoa crops.We endorse the goals of the cocoa industry to help all farmers produce quality cocoa beans in an environmentally sustainable way that also generates wealth for the farmer and his family, and the communities in which they live.
We are committed to the achievement of these goals.
For full information, we encourage you log on to their website, at Cadbury.com.
Thank you for taking the time to contact us. We hope that you will continue to purchase and enjoy our products.
Sincerely,
Consumer Relations

2009-03-10T22:29:00.003-07:00

Inspired by both Xander Coleman, Armybarmy and Danielle Stricklands blogs (see right) I have found where North American's can join in the fight for Cadbury Canada to go fairtrade.

Cadbury UK recently announced that by late summer 2009 their best selling chocolate bar, Dary Milk will be going Fairtrade, however it is the UK only.

If you go to http://www.chocolate.ca/flash.cfm?languageID=1 you could use the template below to fill out the comment section.

Dear Cadburys

Cadbury UK have announced that Cadbury Dairy Milk, their best known product, is to receive Fairtrade certification by late summer 2009.

STOP THE TRAFFIK congratulates Cadbury UK on this ground breaking decision which comes two years into the STOP THE TRAFFIK Chocolate Campaign.

It has long been known that thousands of children are being trafficked onto cocoa plantations in the Ivory Coast and across West Africa to harvest the cocoa that makes the chocolate that the world consumes. Despite the fact that industry committed in 2001 to remove all forms of exploitative child labour from the chocolate supply chain little progress has been made until now.

STOP THE TRAFFIK, a global movement against people trafficking founded in 2006, has been calling for individual companies to take responsibility for the chocolate they sell and asking for it to be traffik free.

Today STOP THE TRAFFIK campaigners around the world celebrate that in the summer 2009 there will be another traffik free chocolate bar. However, it is only Cadbury's in the UK who are making their Dairy Milk Chocolate bar Fair Trade.

I am wondering if you can advise when Cadbury's in NORTH AMERICA will follow the UK's lead, and in fact, go a step further and make ALL of your chocolate products Fair Trade?

I look forward to seeing a guarantee that there is no slavery used in the harvesting of Cocoa and I also look forward to purchasing Cadbury's Chocolate once again when it carries this guarantee.

2009-03-03T17:13:00.003-08:00

Did I tell you I got pulled over the other day and got out of a ticket cuz I'm Salvo?
Remind me to post that story up.

Our God Reigns.

That's where I'm at these days. My friend relapsed. 115000 babies died today. My friend's heart got broken. I turn my chair in a 180 to see addiction, death and pain. She is crying. 30,273 people starved to death today.

and

Our God Reigns. Forever his Kingdom Reigns.

2009-02-22T03:53:00.000-08:00

I recently heard Tony Campollo speak. Even though I'm a fan of Mr. Compollo, my mind generally wanders no matter who is speaking. This time was no different. His preaching was called "Red Letter Prayers" and I couldn't tell you a thing about those. But what I can tell you is a story he told about Mother Teresa...anyone could talk about Momma T and they'd have my attention.

So there was this big town meeting in this little town somewhere is some state. There was a mental institution down the road who had some patients who were well enough to enter society. The idea of making eight halfway houses for the patients was proposed and every town member said 'noway'. There was a unanimous vote against the development of such a place. Just so happens Mother Teresa was in this same little town and she got wind of the vote. She marched right into the meeting got on her knees and said "For the love of Christ, give these people a place to live". After moments of silence the head-town guy suggested a re-vote, and there was another unanimous vote, however this time for the approval of the halfway houses.

After the story Tony Compollo goes on to suggest that the reason Mother Teresa had such authority in such a place was because of her consistent sacrifice, and that sacrifice of any kind is the foundation of power and authority.

William Booth said it too:
"The greatness of a mans power is the measure of his surrender".

2009-02-18T20:53:00.003-08:00

Sometimes I get pen shy talking about The Salvation Army as it's not like I grew up in the Army- or that my aunts-cousins-friend or something was General so-and-so. I figure my 'officer-kid' friends or my fifth generation pals would have a much more requested voice to write about such things- yet here I sit with my finger tapping the side of my head pondering the future of The Salvation Army whilst my fingers graze the keyboard.

Thinking about the future of The Salvation Army though gets me really excited, and I think perhaps it is because I catch myself thinking of our past. I may not have ever been related to a Colonel or stepped foot in THQ- but when I read things such as;

"'Some men's ambition is art. Some men's ambition is fame. Some men's ambition is gold. My ambition is the souls of men."
- General William Booth

or
" 'I don't care if my officers can read or write, as long as they can cast out devils"
-General Cathrine Booth

or
"All great soul-winners have been men of much and mighty prayer, and all great revivals have been preceded and carried out by persevering, prevailing knee-work in the closet."
-Samuel Logan Brengle

and
I shant forget to mentions Booth's famous "I'll Fight" exhortation.

I can't help but feel what I imagine any Salvationist would, and for that matter should feel- a zeal for Holiness and a passion for the lost. It makes me forget the fact that I've only been in the Army for less then 15 years, and at that I've really only gotten any Salvo teaching for the past five. Rather I remember the teaching of our forefathers and I get pumped up about the idea of returning to our roots and seeing masses get saved and cities transforming and the Holy Ghost falling upon saints and sinners alike.

'There is no improving the future without disturbing the present" - Cathrine Booth.
Let us remember these words of our founder lest we get stuck in some sort of apathetic slump.

2009-02-12T03:18:00.002-08:00

I used to be so much more hardcore then I am these days. I used to live in a slum hotel with bed bugs and cockroaches and no heat. Now I live in a decent apartment bug free. I used to be up all hours of the night praying, keeping watch, studying, now I complain if I don't get my 8 hours, and now I'm 'always tired' and the usual reason I don't get those 8 hours can often be because I am watching a movie or working. I used to go out searching for that prostituted woman to rescue or inviting the homeless poor to crash on my couch. I used to live simply, I now have a computer, TV, car and cell phone - and will jump at every opportunity to go shopping for more.

To clarify- I don't think it is a bad thing to live in a nice apartment with heat, nor do I think it is bad to get proper sleep. I think having a car, computer or phone is far from evil. It's just I've gotten comfortable in it, I've gotten selfish in it. I've gotten the idea that I'm doing enough, and now it's someone elses turn. I kinda thought I was immune to being comfortable.

I have often considered signed up for The War College again. Jonathan Evans wont let me.

Now, I don't know what value there is sitting in this slump- this I used to do this, or I used to do that place. But I will live up to what I have already attained. I can still live where I live, and do it hardcore. It just means I have to be more intentional about inviting my neighbours over. I can still sleep a good nights sleep and be hardcore- it just means I have to be available to be woken up to pray at odd hours and to be a good steward of the sleep I do get so I can go out the next day and with the energy to do what God requires.

We are closer now to the return of Christ then we ever have been before.

It would be a dangerous thing if I continued to not give my all to the Kingdom of God. I know what the LORD requires of me. I know what my "role" is and what I am supposed to do. I know what kind of life the LORD wants me to live - it's time I started to live it.

I also think that integrity plays a key role in being hardcore.

2009-01-26T00:23:00.002-08:00

I've been thinking about evangelism, and the need to be BOLD in it.

I began thinking about this one day at re:cre8 (street drop in) when I was talking to friend of mine. He's one of the originals so-to-speak from the early re:cre8 days. I've been friends with him for five or so years, and have known a few details of his life, such as living in Hawaii, however as we were talking a couple weeks back I realised I've never asked him why he lived in the states, what brought him to Canada, or the DTES. Now, my friend here is saved, got saved the the famous Wright-Dolby wedding, but I began to think about how many people I know who stroll in and out of re:cre8 and I don't know their stories. I call them friends, but I don't know where they grew up, how many brothers they have or anything. And I began to think what the fruit would be if we were bold and asked people their stores. Seems even trivial really. But really, what you learn about someones life is now a springboard for prayer. It also now exposes an area once unknown, that now gives us the opportunity to share the good news.

I once knew someone who was preached at before, many times, and never repented until one day someone shared with him that Salvation offers eternal life. When he was told that he exclaimed "No one told me that before! Sign me up". A truth so simple, and we even think that everyone knows it so why say it, was the seller for this guy. I wonder if we knew about his life prior, if we took time to know about his childhood or growing up then I wonder if we would also know what truth he needed as a seal for salvation.

So really - be bold. Be blunt. Ask someone directly about their life - how they ended up where ever it is they ended up. Not only will your friendship group, but the evangelism ops will too.

Also, more then that, i think we need to be bold in other ways. Be direct. Ask someone directly if they know Christ. Ya we might get shot down. Jesus even says we will in his parable of the seeds. We might even get shot down 3 out of 4 times. But I think we should still be hold in it. That 25% is worth the getting shot down I say.

Some quick math here. My blogs here are automatically fed onto facebook. If the Jesus quota is right (which, after all he is Jesus, so it's probably somewhat accurate) then 153.5 people will get saved....(well that will get cut down too, cuz 75% or so of my FB friends are saved - but you get my point.)

Jesus is coming soon. We don't have time to sit and wait around and hope people get saved. We need to be bold in it and proclaim the good news loudly.

It's time to be bold
Repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand.

2009-01-17T13:40:00.002-08:00

I read Lamentations this morning.
Why?

I suppose the same reason one listens to a love song after a break up or a sad movie in times of sorrow.

I really resonated with the first few chapters "How lonely sits the city that was full of people", "she weeps bitterly at night...has none to comfort her", "Jerusalem remembers the days of old"...

But then in the middle of Chapter 3, Jeremiah (?) (PS, who wrote Lamentations anyways?), throws out an unexpected pint of hope:

"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end;, they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion" says my soul "therefore I will hope in Him"

So instead of the tears, sorrow and sadness I was looking for, I got some hope instead. A nice trade-off I must say.

-------------------------------------

Armybarmy has some good exhoration for a not so great soul itself today.

-------------------------------------

Have you applied to The War College yet?

2009-01-15T18:55:00.000-08:00

Since 2005 Vancouver’s notorious Downtown Eastside has been invaded by North American youth to fight in love alongside The Salvation Army 614 Corps and The War College at an event we call RAW (ready and willing). Most kids spend their March break watching movies or looking for trouble. Why waste your time in sin or spend thousands of dollars travelling overseas when there is a mission field right here in BC? RAW is a HEROES’ HOLIDAY in North America’s poorest postal code where teens share God’s love to the poor.

God wants to use you. His plans for you are way bigger and way scarier than you can imagine. He is not waiting for you to grow up or go to Bible College. God wants to use you and He wants to use you now. He doesn’t call those who are equipped, He equips those He calls. If you are ready for solid teaching on prayer, worship, evangelism, mission – you are RAW. If you are willing to engage the homeless, drug-addicted and prostituted with God’s love – you are RAW. At RAW you will team up with urban missionaries, War College Students and Alumni, you will see miracles in the streets and know what it means to get your hands around the devil’s throat. Are you ready and willing?

At RAW you will have the opportunity to learn from world renowned speakers, professional musicians and The War College. There is worship, dance, mission and ministry, small groups, solid preaching/teaching and we have a non-stop prayer room going night and day. God is glorified on the streets and you will make friends with some very hurting people.

Contact nicole@thewarcollege.com if you are interested or for info on how your youth pastor can sign you up!

2009-01-05T00:07:00.002-08:00

Keep your eyes open.
Do not look back. Do not look right or left.
Forward!
Keep your eyes open.

"Watch for Me"
"Look at Me"
Keep your eyes open.

Focused, fixed, always on the prize.
Surefooted and steadfast.

I am pumped. I am excited for what is going to happen in 2009.
I've been hearing words: revival, advance.
Something big is coming.
Something huge is at our doorstep.
Are our eyes open?

--------

May our highest hieghts of 2008 be our springboard for 2009.
Live up to what you've already attained.
Press on.
Forward.
Advance.

Keep your eyes open.

2008-12-26T12:07:00.002-08:00

Glory to God in the Highest.

Christ our Saviour is born.

Amen! Hallelujah!

I am just so full of joy right now. Not simply because it is Christmas (although I had a terrific Christmas, one of my best I must say), but because our God is faithful. Our God is true. He does what he says. He gives when you ask.

Ask and it will be given. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you every time. The Lord is faithful to His word. Ask for joy and he will give it. That's what I did, and now I am actually quite joyful. Not giddy or necessarily happy, but in asking, Joy abounds. Glory to God

-----------------------

New Year's is around the corner. I am catching myself making New Year's resolutions. I am a big goal person. I am motivated by dates and start times. But why wait? Really, if it is a healthy goal why not do it now. Now is the time of Salvation.

------------------------

Back to Christmas. It was really nice. We did gifts at my house with 4 kids, 2 teens, 2 parents and myself. I loved it. I got spoiled. I got a new camera, so I'll post some pictures and videos once I get my computer sorted. (it got a virus a couple weeks back, so it's still recovering). I got to talk to my mom on the phone, I miss her - she comes home in 18 days!!! As much as I miss my mom, and Christmas would have been so lovely if she were here, it definitely felt like family and it was great!!

2008-12-13T00:48:00.004-08:00

I love Christmas. I love Christ.
But, I love Christmas. As they say 'tis the season to be jolly and joyous (falala).

I see it a lot. Joy, that is. This season does bring joy. I live in a pretty dark and depressive neighbourhood, and to a lot of people here, Christmas brings memories of grief and sadness...but in that, I still see joy. I still see people, who yes associate sadness and grief with Christmas, who have a glimpse of hope still. And I wonder why? And I think it is because Christ our saviour is born (Chr-i-ist our Savior...is born..).

He who brought hope into this world, he who brings hope into our lives, He who was born on Christmas Day and who still lives today, brings hope. That's why I think even those in 'hopeless' situations at Christmas, still keep looking ahead.

I do love Christmas.
And along with that, I also really enjoy New Years.

Behold, I make all things new! (The Lord that is, not me)

I am really big on to the 'new' things. Maybe that's why I am looking so forward to 2009. But I am excited. I am sure that 2009 will be better then 2008...and I am sure that my best moment in 2008 will be just a springboard for 2009. I know there are some things from 2008 and can't wait to leave behind and some things forthcoming I wait in anticipation for.

New = Hope I think.

Thought this was fun and fitting.

JANUARY 2008
1. Who kissed you on new years? nobody
2. Did you have a new year's resolution this year? yes
3. Does it snow where you live? define snow...
4. Do you like hot chocolate? not particularly
5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop? nope.
6. Do you ski or snowboard? I've boarded in the past, but not in 2008

FEBRUARY 2008
1. Who was your Valentine? no one
2. When you were little did you buy Valentine's for the whole class? yes
3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not? yes
4. What did you get for valentines? nothing

MARCH 2008
1. Are you Irish? slightly
2. Do you wear green every year on St. Patricks Day? i used to - but I don't anymore
3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2008? RAW
4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over? yup

April 2008
1. Do you like the rain? i must admit sometimes i do
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year? no
4. Do you celebrate 4/20? not at all
5. Do you "love" the month of April? not particularly

MAY 2008
1. What is your favorite flower? sunflower
2. Finish the phrase "April showers": no
3. Do you celebrate May 24th: no
4. Is May anything special to you? yes

JUNE 2008
1. What did you do for Fathers Day? worked or slept...one of the two
2. Did you do anything fun during this month? sure did! Went to Tulsa and Linsey got married
3. Have a favorite baseball team? no

JULY 2008
1. What did you do on the 1st of July? I think I was at Camp
2. Did you go to the fireworks? no.
3. Do you tan in the day? maybe

AUGUST 2008
1. Did you do anything special at the end of your summer? camping
2. What was your favorite memory of summer? BTI, War College Grad,
3. Did you have a sunburn? no.
4. Did you go to the pool a lot? never

SEPTEMBER 2008
1. Will you be attending school? no
2. Do you like fall better than summer? no
3. Anything special about September to you? a bunch of peoples bdays. Including my mommy's

OCTOBER 2008
1. What was your last Halloween costume? goodness, probably a witch or ghost or something else cheap and pagan in elementary school
2. What is your favorite candy? depends on the day
3. What is your favorite thing about this month? I'm not a big fan of October

NOVEMBER 2008
1. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgivings? I'm not this biggest thanksgiving fan
2. What is your favorite thing about November? kettles start. Christmas begins

DECEMBER 2008
1. Do you celebrate Christmas? yup!!
2. What are you thankful for? too much to say
3. Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe? nope
4. Get anything special last year? yeah
5. What do you want this year? surprises

Where did you begin 2008? in transition from the empress to where i am now

What was your status on Valentine's Day? single as per usual

Were you in school (anytime this year)?
as a student no. teaching a couple times yes.

Did you have to go to the hospital?
yes. many times.

Where did you go on vacation?
define vacation...
but i did travel to Chicago IL, Tulsa OK, and Old Orchard ME.

What did you purchase that was over $500?
I'm not sure there was anything. plane tickets i guess.

Did you know anybody who got married?
yes

Did you know anybody who passed away?
yes

Did you move anywhere?
yup

What sporting events did you attend?
i don't know if i did

What concerts/shows did you go to?
a few

Describe your birthday:
began in Vancouver, stopped over in Minneapolis, and arrived in Tulsa Oklahoma. followed by my face on a cake.

What has been your favorite moment(s)?
lots

Any new additions to your family?
define family

What was your best month?
June

What was your worst month?
June

What music will you remember 2008 by?
music doesn't usually remind me of years

Made new friends?
yes

Favorite Night out?
many again

Overall, how would you rate this year?
fantastic

Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
well home wouldn't even fit in that category, I'm never there.
it's probably a toss up over the whites or command center.

Change your hairstyle?
yeah

Do you have a New Year's resolution?
yes

Do anything embarrassing?
yes

Buy anything new from eBay?
no

Get married or divorced?
no

Get arrested?
almost

Be honest - did you watch American Idol?
no

Did you get sick this year?
yes

Been snowboarding?
not in 2008

Are you happy to see 2008 go?
somewhat, it was a rough year - but one on my best too.

2008-12-12T06:55:00.002-08:00

I had a blog all typed out, and even posted for a whole 20 minutes, but then once I left work, and walked home I began to think maybe it shouldn't be blogged, so I deleted it...I kinda forgot it still gets imported to facebook, so I haven't deleted it there. But basically it urged us NOT to sue our Christian Brothers and Sisters. I hope it also encouraged us to enroll as soldiers and officers of the Salvation Army.

But there was very important news on the past blog, which I must re-post. My friend, and War College Alumni, Jessica Bryant is BC's newest solider. And one of the good kind too, the kind I look up to. The kind who says "I'll Fight till the very End". And looks great in uniform too. Jessica says War College was a prerequisite for her for Solidership. Another friend of mine makes a fine argument that War College is a prerequisite for Training College. Both sound pretty hardcore to me. Apply today for the War Cry Session - www.thewarcollege.com

This week has also brought a bundle of joy. (Oh man, I'm really cracking out the corny cliche lines.) But check out Jonathan Evans facebook to see beautiful pictures of Zoe Evans. I look forward to getting to write more about her soon.

2008-12-03T23:13:00.003-08:00

ps - check out The War College blog (to the right). Carlye just posted a sweet testimony of an Open Air Meeting.

and right below her's, Jessica tells us of a fun Kettle's time.

2008-12-03T23:02:00.003-08:00

I am blogging because it has been a little while since I last blogged.
It has also been a very overwhelming week, to say the least, and blogging seemed to get pushed to the bottom of my to-do list one too many times.

Well here I am.

Death stinks.
Too many people died this week. I am not sure of the Salvation of all their souls either - which stinks further. Please, if you haven't, repent and believe now.

One of these deaths I actually witnessed. Drug overdose. Not breathing. Pale, pale, pale skin. CPR did not return his pulse. It was terrible. It further extended my hate of drugs.

I hate death.
I hate drugs.
I hate alcohol.
I hate addiction.
I REALLY hate addiction.

The thief came to KILL. Christ came to give abundant LIFE. Follow the one that sounds better would you?

Life. Love. Freedom.
Now those are three really really good words.

The meaning of life is to live.

2008-11-24T07:41:00.002-08:00

I think Christmas can now begin. I used to be determined that December 1st and no earlier is the beginning of Christmas, when Carols can be sung and trees decorated. But now that I have done my first Salvation Army Kettle shift I have caved and decided the new start to Christmas will from now on be when Kettle's kick off.

Speaking of The War College. (great segway there eh)
We are recruiting students to come spend a year in Canada's infamous Downtown Eastside. I just accepted 4 students to our 2009-2010 year - The War Cry session - and I think we have a few spots left, apply today! www.thewarcollege.com

Speaking of War College applicants. (come on - that was a much better segway)
We have had many applicants from developing countries who are not able to afford full tuition. Perhaps you are in a position to offer assistance. Canadian donars can receive a tax receipt upon request. If you are up for establishing full or partial scholarships or would like more information, fire me off an email, nicole@thewarcollege.com.

Speaking of War College Scholarships (i am really perfecting this segway thing)
We have an Session vs. Session Alumni Scholarship Challenge going on right now. Over the next three months we Alumni have been encouraged to send some funds to establish a scholarship or two. The winning session gets the scholarship named after them.

In Frist place - Revolution Session - Grad '07
In Second place - Death and Glory - Grad '04
Tied for third - Martyrs - Grad '05, Holy ____ - Grad '06 and Incendiary - Grad '08

Stay tuned for the session vs. faculty Scholarship Challenge soon coming.

2008-11-19T18:48:00.002-08:00

Love until it hurts - and love some more, because LOVE NEVER FAILS.

Have you ever loved some body so much it made you cry?
Okay - corny boy band songs aside, really - have you ever?

This summer I remember one of those times. I was counselling at a teen camp and one of the girls was upset. My heart was filled with compassion at her brokenness. I went over to talk to her, ask her about it, I went over to love her - and she turned around, walked away and told me to leave. My heart broke. I had so much love in me, I wanted to love on her so bad - and it was rejected.

This then intensified as we were in a full camp meeting and there the Lord revealed to me how many of his children reject him and his love. The question we were asked is, How does God see you? I wept as I would look around the room and know that God sees him as His son, and Her as His daughter and them as His Children - and see how His Children didn't know that, how it was being rejected. How the pain I felt from my friend rejecting the love I wanted to lavishly pour out, is a snippet of pain Christ must feel.

And as I wept the tears kept coming and the pain wouldn't stop. It was so painful. Yet as painful and hard as this rejection felt - it was a good place, as I felt so close to The Father's Heart, and feeling/being that close is safe and secure. I encourage you to love someone so much that it makes you cry.

Today I am wrestling through the same thing. How deep my love for someone is. And do know, that love only comes from Christ - I couldn't love and care about people the way I do on my own. And when I want to talk to her and surround her and pour into her and lift her up and love her - I am denied. And it hurts, and I want to give up, stop loving, but I can't. I can't stop. Nothing can make me stop.

And again, this is only a snippet. A molecule. Christ's love is far beyond that. His love is deep, and I pray together with all of the saints that we might be able to grasp how LONG and how HIGH and how DEEP and how WIDE His love really is. And to know that nothing, NOTHING can separate us from His love. Death cant. Life Cant. Angels cant. Demons Cant. Not powers or rulers or principalities.

Love until it hurts - and love some more, because LOVE NEVER FAILS.

2008-11-16T02:21:00.002-08:00

Today was a chaotic day. It began at 2:30 this morning and will not end until 8am tomorrow morning. Chaotic, yet awesome. An old Corps Officer of mine wrote a book called Chaotic Order, and she opens it with this:

"Chaos is essential for establishing Divine Order. This book explores the origins, nature and implications of chaos in the world and in the Bible. Chaos is defined as an unordered state that is neither good nor bad in and of itself, but an essential pre-ingredient of creation. Chaos is a gift because it is often used by God for the overthrow of human control to establish His Divine Order in our lives and the world. What looks like chaos to us can be an element from which God chooses to create. God’s Order is distinct from human order. What looks like Chaos to us is often God’s order being established. In light of this revelation, chaos is an essential part of the creative process."

When I think of Chaotic days, I think of Danielle's book, and I don't feel as stressed out as I did, and do feel more ordered, in a chaotic sorta way.

Part of my Chaotic day, involved a very chaotic re:cre8 - yet a very great re:cre8 at that.
Re:cre8, in general, is pretty chaotic, in and of itself. In addition, though, we had a youth group from Burnaby, and a school from Edmonton join us tonight. It was loud, crowded, overwhelming, and did I mention loud?

Yet in all this chaos, and noise I was able to find peace. I reckon it was because we had an additional 18 people who bore the witness of Christ, the Prince of Peace himself. We also had people upstairs in our Prayer Room interceding for us and breaking some hard ground - that I credit the Chaotic Order too.

So while all this was happening I turned around and one of the girls from the youth group was sketching a portrait of this guy who I only know as 'Skid'. Skid is one of the harder guys who comes to re:cre8, he has natural dreads from the inability to bathe, society has written him off and he carries a spirit of rejection around with him. But when I saw her sketch him - I saw someone new and beautiful. A sense of honor, dignity and identity begot Skid. I watched as Skid saw himself being created so to speak on paper. I think he was just as amazed as I was. Imperfections were wiped out as she drew his skin so delicately and his eyes so deep. There was character and emotion in this portrait. Through this portrait, I saw Skid how The Father sees him - as His beautiful child.

more truthful then a mirror is lead
eyes on paper
like lead
are the Fathers eyes
truth in lead. lies.
a mirror produces those.
convincing it is
that reflective glass
convincing sure, but not
convincing enough.
lies. the truth will overcome
the truth will
overcome
the truth will
set you free
freedom.
lead brings freedom.
lead brings identity
like lead
are the Fathers eyes
beauty is in the eye of the beholder

2008-11-10T06:18:00.003-08:00

I should utilize this video option more often. There will be more coming I'm sure.

This is an interview between myself and Noah White.

Also don't forget to check out the updated blogroll to the right.

I think I'm going to blog on favor and grace next - because that's one of the things the Lord's teaching me about these days.

2008-11-02T01:47:00.003-07:00

Inspired by Sally's post from The War College blog, www.thewarcollege.blogpsot.com, I've decided to elaborate. But still read the War College blog - there is always such good things there.

She quotes "-I'm frustrated with incarnational living...my heart is screaming inside to make more connections with people- it is simply not enough to exist in this community, there's so much death outside but yet theres so much life in my heart that I need to start screaming it out!!"

It's true, it is simply NOT ENOUGH to exist in this community. I think it is good to exist in this community. I think a righteous presence is better then no presence at all. I think walking from class to home, or from home to work, or from the empress to the corner store with beautiful feet (ht: Isaiah) does something. But the fullness of incarnation comes from living and not just existing.

I found this particularly hard when I moved out of a slum hotel to where I live now. Where I live now isn't all that far from The Empress where I lived this time last year. Two blocks to be exact. I am still existing, as Sally put it, in the thick of the fight. I am still walking to and from work, and to and from the command center. Living incarnationally is something I have learned is something we need to be intentional about. I've often thought that intentional means that it is not authentic - but through authenticity found out that's not so, but rather they (the intentional things) bring accountability, availability and coverage.

Living incarnationally might look like bringing your laptop to Carnegie rather then using it at home - better yet, using the computer room. Living incarnationally might look like working out at the Carnegie's gym (which has improved since I remember it - they even have a digital treadmill so I hear) as opposed to and uptown gym. It might look like changing family doctors to one in the area, that your neighbours go to. Whatever it looks like, be intentional about it.

There's really no how to manual on living incarnationally. But it is simple. Just live. Jesus, master of this incarnational thing didn't do anything fancy, or out there, he just lived. Left the comfort of Heaven and put of flesh and dwelt among men. Christ dwelt - that's the prerequisites of incarnation I think. Dwell. Dwell in whatever front you are fighting on.

Dwelling means remaining. (ht: Miriam-Webster)

I think another prerequisite of incarnation might be leaving one place to go to another. Can you be incarnational organically? I suppose, but I think "incarnational organically" is just a 10 syllable way of saying "living fully". My friend Noah White, he's 4, I don't think is living incarnationally as much as he is living. He was born into this community, this is all he knows. I think he has the fullness of this whole thing, because he knows nothing else. But I am just processing that still. Your thoughts are encouraged, as they help me process.

2008-10-27T04:33:00.002-07:00

If there is one thing I hate (although I am sure there is more then one) it is sin in the Church. I hate sin full stop, but sin in the Church, just seems like a double whammy.

I think we are familiar with the story of Achan. He sinned and the Israelites couldn't continue on until it was revealed who was the sinner and then that sinner was purged. So the Lord called him out tribe by tribe by clan by clan by family by family by man. Then Achan was stoned.

The beauty of the Cross though is that after confession there is forgiveness and Christ, by his suffering and death, made an atonement for the whole world and whosoever will may be saved (ht:d6), and so that means the sinner in the Church doesn't necessarily need to be stoned.

But in the meantime, before confession what happens? We stop. Our personal holiness affects our corporate holiness. Our personal fruit, good or bad, affects our corporate fruit. And you know a tree by it's fruit. So we stop....while we wait for confession and forgiveness we stop, halt in our tracks. Our fruit stops, and actually when fruit stops and is idle is when it begins to rot. On the vine and growing the fruit is good, but that banana on my kitchen table will begin to go bad very shortly if it stays idle. We will begin to go bad if we idle, but we cannot go on until sin is purged.

So how do we go about exposing this, so that we are not in halt position so long that we go bad? Joshua and the elders wore sackcloth and fell facedown on the dust. Maybe that's what we need to do - I'm game.

What about a big Church confession time. Everyone takes turns confessing and repenting of sin. And because of Jesus, we wont have to stone anyone. I bet we could get the whole world saved by our holiness in no time.

I realise I'm being a bit jumpy in this post - but I am just fed up with it.

Sin sucks.

Sidenote - I think it's kinda profound that the story of Achan is right after the victory of Jericho...hmm something to think about.

So, then - what is the balance between confidentiality and exposing the hidden sin? If someone confesses sin to you, but rejects accountability, and has asked you to keep it confidential?

Can I be so bold and suggest that confidentiality is sinful?

Well, now that I have been somewhat of a downer - let me end with some good news...
Jesus has made the atonement. There is no death for us. No stones or pebbles will be thrown our way. Repent. Confess. Be holy.

And if you aren't going to be Holy for yourself (although it is a much sweeter life then the ulterior) - do it for the Church, so we can move on.

Consecrate yourselves today - for tomorrow the Lord will do great things.

2008-10-23T10:09:00.003-07:00

Noah (4 yrs old): That is from The Salvation Army (pointing to some magasine I think)
Me: What is The Salvation Army
Noah: An army
Me: An army of what?
Noah: Souls
Nicole: What do we do?
Noah: We fight
Me: What do we fight?
Noah: The leauge of darkness

Then 2 year old Dominic walks into the room, un aware of the previous conversation...

Nicole: Dominic, what is The Salvation Army
Dominic: An army of soldiers.
Nicole: What do we do?
Dominic: Fight
Nicole: What do we fight?
Dominic: Noah

Perhaps in 2 years, Dominic will realise that we are not fighting Noah, but as Noah says, we are fighting the leauge of darkness - but he's definetly got the first part nailed down.

My conversation with Noah continues...

Nicole: How do we fight?
Noah: A sword and sheild.
Nicole: Whats a sword and sheild?
Noah: Swords get away evil things, and a shield stops something from hurting you.
Nicole: Well, thats true, a sword is the Word of God
Noah: (in a frusterated tone) 'I KNOW'.
Nicole: So, whats a sheild, or who is our shield?
Noah: God

Noah (and Dominic) reminded me today of the importance of not being blind to warfare. Surprisingly, it has been a while since I viewed warfare in a militant sence. But that can get us in a dangerous place of apathy, tolerance and ignoance. But lets fight (in love, becuase love never fails) with our swords (word of God) and sheilds (God -from Psalm 91, or faith as Paul suggests in Ephesians) to destroy the leauge of dakness.

2008-10-14T17:31:00.002-07:00

Across the street from my apartment there is a strip bar. I walk by it everyday. The sign on the outside often reads "Your day starts here, with ice cold beer" and it sickens me. Addiction is huge in my neighbourhood and places like the No. 5 Orange feed these addictions, it is shameful.

So the other day I was walking by and they were painting it, bright orange. They were painting it to attract people, make it look 'better'. The No. 5 was a dull, dirty orange until a couple days ago, now it is the brightest orange you will ever see - you cant miss it. As I was walking by it I was disgusted at how they were making this place that promotes human trafficking attractive. And without consciously deciding I spat on the wall. It was like something (I'm going to go with a holy anger) rose up in me. Now I don't spit, I think it is gross - but I guess I think a bright orange building that attracts rich sleazy men into my neighbourhood to idolise women for their bodies is pretty repulsive too.

On a brighter side (bright at in Holy Radiance - and not as in this repulsive orange), there is a Salvation Army produced sign on the bus stop right in front of the No. 5 that reads www.thetruthisntsexy.ca - and has some graphic and gut wrenching shots of those enslaved by human trafficking - pretty redemptive I say.

2008-10-08T20:26:00.002-07:00

The Commissioner came and taught at the War College the other day. Check out The War College blog for some highlights, and even an mp3 of the class.

I love it when the Lord speaks. Full stop. But I really love it when he speaks loud and clear. What the Commissioner had to say to us on Monday has really tied into what the Lord has been saying to me lately.

Perfect love casts out all fear. I wonder if people who haven't been perfectly loved, as in living in abusive environments, struggle more with fear then others do?

In Acts 2 we read that fear was replaced by boldness. Peter had feared (when he denied Jesus for one) and then here he is preaching at Pentecost. Now that's a radical changeover, from denying Jesus when the rooster crows, to preaching, confronting the mockers and then about three thousand souls were saved...come on!

Perfect love casts out all fear. Jesus' death and resurrection is the ultimate love act - the most perfect way we are loved. That perfect love I reckon played an important part of Peter's fear to boldness change.

Boldness comes after the filling of the Holy Ghost - The Commissioner taught us that on Monday.

------------------------------

Yesterday I was talking about discipline (and discipleship) - I found out that that the etymology of the word (both of them) mean 'from - di' and ' knowledge (sci)'. Kinda cool

------------------------------

I don't like confrontation - if you know me at all you know I avoid it terribly. In fact I hate it and I would probably lean more towards the pre-bold Peter's way of handling confrontation. But I do like evangelism - yet if I don't like confrontation have can I possibly evangelise effectively - for evangelism is nothing but confronting.

2008-10-06T02:50:00.002-07:00

Discipline is easy.
Yup you read that right.

When discipline becomes routine it becomes easy. Easy might be the wrong word, I kind of shutter at the word easy sometimes, but discipline that becomes routine simply makes life better. The fruit proves so - taste and see that the Lord is good.

I think discipline, coupled with discipleship (and I'm sure there is some word origin/connection there) is foundational in the deliverance of sin and strongholds. I think to stay free, one must be disciplined in freedom - it's like a precautionary guard against backsliding. I was recently delivered from addiction, although I might be hitting the mark where the word 'recently' will no longer fit, and when I look back to those times and think about what, aside from Christ, I can credit my deliverance and freedom to - and what it is is discipline. Sure, anyone at anytime can simply stop an addictive behaviour - whether it be for 5 minutes, a day, a month - but it takes discipline to remain stopped.

Not only does discipline act to protect one from backsliding, it also prevents sin and guards your holiness. John the Baptist had this theory down. By living a fasted lifestyle (a disciplined lifestyle) he remained upright and pure. Discipline is fruit of holiness (or is holiness fruit of discipline), either way this fruit is good.

There are so many ways to be practical in this. Set your alarm 5 minutes (although be hardcore and go for the full hour) early and get up to spend that much more time with the Lord in prayer and in His Word. Blog weekly (if you are more hardcore then that, daily), join us in MTB (I will post it weekly - this weeks verse(s):
1 John 5:11-12 "For this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life which is found in his Son. He who has the Son has life, and he who does not have the Son does not have life"

What are some practical ways to be disciplined in your daily life? (Leave comment now)

----------------------------------

How is Nicole doing?

Well. Almost done Jeremiah - it was a slow trek through the book - but well worth it. I have been meditating on Psalm 91 this week and loving the Lord's protection and coverage promised.

I came across an interesting realisation this week. I fear. Fear, mostly of peers and what they will think of me if I do or don't do something, kinda has too much control in my life. I avoid conflict and confrontation - which can lead to bitterness or anger - because of it. I don't rise up to the fullness of life that God has given me. And vision, prophetic words or really stinkin good idea I don't vocalise because people might disagree, or not like them. Is this really all because of fear? Wowee! To top it off, for a long time this fear has been masked as pride or shame - so I would pray and try to conquer those rather then fear. But now that my eyes are open, I trust that through discipline I can receive deliverance from a spirit of fear. Perfect love casts out all fear, and God disciplines the ones He loves. Hmmm

On another note - Danielle Strickland is in town (and staying at my place too). It's been good fun - and its been less then a day since her arrival. She is teaching an open class at The War College, Tuesday afternoon at 1300h - locals I encourage you all to come. If you are a night owl and are reading this in the next 4 hours - Commissioner Marilyn Francis is teaching then - come out for that too.

Peace!

Come to the War College next year please.
www.thewarcollege.com

2008-09-27T22:53:00.001-07:00

Stay tuned for more frequent blogging by I - (yes I know I've said that before, but this time just might be different - Im trying to live a more disciplined life- of which blogging may prove to be fruit of that....)
*** funny story - I had this saved in my drafts, thinking i had posted recently - turns out I never posted this (ht:cts) - so this post is over a week old.

I had a War Room shift tonight and I guess the Lord took me on a little bit of a journey. We visited some places of the past, current places and emotions, and the places yet to come (both personally and corporately). There were ups, there were downs, some of these places were great moments of victory while others were times of defeat, emotions included love, hate, joy and sorrow - but the one constant through it all was HIS presence.

"We can NEVER escape from your presence" Psalm 139

And now, I am still here in TWR, my shift officially ends in 20 minutes and I don't want it to. I don't want to leave - I am really enjoying the Presence of God and as such do not want to leave it, and if I could I would stay forever...

...the reality is - I CAN STAY FOREVER, actually I don't have a choice in the matter, for I can never escape the Presence of God - the challenge though is recognising it (and honoring it) outside of this place, recognising Him in our lives, in each other, our neighbours, the poor.

It is also in recognising His presence in our daily living, and honoring Him, things like Salvation, Repentance, Sanctification, Holiness and Joy would be on the rise.

Lord, open our eyes, give us Kingdom eyes to see you. Oh Lord, we want to recognise you in our daily living, in our coming and our going.

--------------------------------

How is Nicole?

Overall great, with slight inconviences of not so great, but as I said, overall things are superb.

Still chewing through Jeremiah, with some added Hosea while I contemplate my way through covenant.

Re:cre8 - our community building coffee drop-in - has been going well - if you want to check it out, fire me an email and I can hook you up with details.

The War College is now in full swing - check out our blog, right hand side, for some student details. Our best year yet I'd say. Applications are fast coming for the next year too, the War Cry session - get your applications in today... http://www.thewarcollege.com/ .

2008-09-01T04:13:00.003-07:00

This week...well lets just say its a week Id rather not re-live.

Yet the Lord is good, and His love endures forever.

This past week was filled with grief and sorrow.

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever.

A friend of mine relapsed....
I received some hard news...
It seemed like everyone I needed wasn't here...
I feel mis-understood....
Good friends of mine are quarrelling against each other, and thus causing division (it really stinks too)...
A guy I know killed himself....
Too many of my friends are hurting, really hurting...
and I'm fed up with it all....

(not too mention homelessness, poverty, famine, slavery...that I am being too self-centered for the momemnt - to eventually make a point - to add to my list of bad things for the week)

But you know what, in all of that God is still God.

I had a great time worshipping this week. Something I've always said is that worship (which can be argued is a branch of holiness) really just makes things better. You see, a bunch of crap happened this week, and sure I could look at it all, dwell upon it and decide - yup things suck. Or I can worship the Sovereign Lord. It is only in a place of worship, only when your eyes are completely on Him that things fade away. In a place of true worship all I can think about is the King, all I can do is look in my lover's eyes and be at peace and be still. In a true place of worship I have undivided focus, nothing steers me away from my God. See, in worship you are humbled and bowed down before the Throne so you can't actually see the storm going around you - all you see are His feet in a place of humility and his eyes in a place of worship.

I think that's why its so important to be in continued worship (or continued holiness), for that way the things that so easily distract and bring us down can have no authority. Worship looks like abiding in Him.

So even though it seems like there is darkness and pain and death everywhere - remember worship smashes all of it and life shines brightly.

Worship...hard...now.

Peace,
Nicole

ps - Can I just tell you I am super super super tired and in just under two hours I can crawl into my own bed, and not sleep on some rocks and in the cold.! PTL

That said - I would go camping again in a heartbeat!

2008-08-24T02:18:00.003-07:00

I want to write about 'Baby'. The other night I was at re:cre8 and I was standing outside while my friend, Shawniferr (his real name is Shawn, prefers to be called Jennifer but because we know way to many Shawns and way to many Jennifers, he's become known to us as Shawnifer), sat in his wheelchair. While we are out there chatting and elderly gentleman came up, put his hand gently on Shawnifer's shoulders and whispered at what my best guess would be "be well". I don't think it was necessarily from God - but it definitely was not demonic either, I think it was just down and out compassion. I asked this gentleman his name and he replied in this innocent voice, with his chin sheepishly dropping to the side said "Baby". Aside from his obvious, though once unintentional, baby like demeanor, this was a very unfitting name for him. I invited him in for some coffee and my heart began to break for Baby.

He told me stories of growing up, watching his parents get shot, at two separate times. His sister getting hit by a car. He has 6 siblings, and 4 kids of his own. More then 50% of his family is dead, and mostly due to drug use and abuse. (ps - I HATE drugs, don't do them - they kill). The preceding 30 minutes or so, Baby used his same baby-voice to tell me his life events. Sometimes these things, especially down here, can be scripted or faked. 'Baby' is not the fist downtown eastside resident to use a baby voice by any means - in fact it is more common then one would think, but he was the first to cut deep into my soul. As I looked Baby in the eyes I saw his soul, his hurting, shamed and jaded soul. His long grey, tangled beard and his wrinkles and laugh lines did not mask the infancy of his soul.

As I was chatting with Baby, tall guy with a cane (I don't know his name) came and wanted a book. A different, not odd, but different request we get. So I asked Baby to wait while I escorted Mr. Tall Cane man upstairs to our attempt of a library. He was actually amazed at our War Room and book selection. After deciding on what would go to his nightstand, we escorted him back down and to my sadness, Baby had left. I ran out side in the hopes of finding him, and it proved easy. 'Baby' I exclaimed, 'You didn't wait for me!', turns out he had to line up for the shelter line. As we are finished our started conversation, a deaf girl walks up and gives Baby a hug. Now I took a Sign Language coarse over 5 years ago now, and like any language you do not practice I lost my skills. But with what little I do remember I attempted to ask her name and tell her mine. Then the Holy Spirit showed up and if you can speak in tongues in Sign Language then that's what I did, because Candy and I ended up having a pretty deep and impacting conversation, one I could not do without the Holy Spirit I guess speaking through my hands, and the interpretation came on too, for I understood what she was saying clearly. She didn't get saved, but she did hear some words about her worth. Our conversation quickly went to her abusive boyfriend and since the Holy Spirit was speaking in sign tongues to her, she could receive she is worth more then that and that no one deserves to be abused. I hope I see Candy again.

----------------------------------------

How is Nicole?

Completely exhausted right now. I am at work (overnight). Ive been busy lately with weddings and all that goes along with those (Congratulations Donny and Jenea!), War College Graduations (Congratulations Incendiaries!), pickups, hellos and goodbyes. 5 hours and I can crawl into my bed and sleep the day away!

Spiritually I am doing well. I'm trying to interpret a common thread in my recent days "Bells", every time I hear that word, its like the Holy Spirit nudges me and Ive yet to figure out the fullness of it. I've just started to dive into Jeremiah. I think its a timely book for the prophetic season the Lord has brought me to.

War College, Conquerors Session, starts in 2 weeks and we go on our community camping trip next week. Looking forward to all of it.

Gotta go play Crib now with my work mate.

Grace,

Nicole

ps - God is here.

2008-08-09T11:24:00.003-07:00

Here I sit in Philadelphia's airport, which is amazing I might add. I actually don't mind my 5 hour layover here.

Although, this is likely my most strenuous travel ever. You see I have been up since 9am EST Friday morning (it is currently 2:27 CST Saturday afternoon). We got to the Portland airport at 4am EST this morning. My flight was originally not til 9am, but because the majority of the group was in the wee hours of the morning, I came along. When I got to the airport in Portland I was hoping to get an earlier one, I mean I was already there anyways. So I managed to get one for 7am. Right after I got this one, Xander, on of my greatest mates found out his flight got cancelled and they re-booked him for 1130. My other friends had departed at 5am (tears galore!), and so I went to find Xander. We went back to US Airways (lovely people there) and got my originally 9am booking that turned into a 7am re-booked for 12 noon - thus getting to spend more time with Xander. It didn't change my final destination plans, as I had, like I said a gazillion hour layover here in Philly. Xander couldn't get his boarding pass yet so we waiting downstairs until 7am when he could. Enjoyed the entertainment of Mr. Bagel man though. When we went to get Xanders boarding pass, turns out when the guy said he was on the 1130am flight, he forgot to inform us that it was in fact 1130am, the next day. This was not going to work. After a few clicks of the computer here, and a few touches of the screen there, Xander could get on an earlier flight, he just had to get himself to Boston.

Gotta love flying (I actually really do though, this was a great day!)

So, as I was saying, I have been up now for over 30 hours, still waiting another three here in the airport, until I can board my Vancouver flight, which will land me in Vancouver at roughly 9pm PST (midnight for my jet lag factor) and just in time to pull an overnighter at work. I will be sleeping on the plane.

My neck is kinked from the first flight...two hours of head against window kinda kinked...and I have a broken foot (well, I doubt its broken but could be a fracture or sprain - Ill have to find out when Im back in Canada).

Oh and did I mention it stormed almost all week?

But, all of that does not dampen my week in the slightest (pun actually not intended). I have had the greatest week. We were in Old Orchard Beach, Maine doing Prophetic Evangelism or Spiritual Readings if you will. Basically we set up tent and got to share with believers and non-believers alike what the Lord has to say to them. I cant number how many we got to pray with, and how many we shared the gospel with....but I can say it was absolutely amazing and that peoples lives were changed and there was good good fruit. Personally it brought me a lot closer to the Lord, and really reminded me the beauty of prayer and listening to his voice. It stirred up the Prophetic gifting and calling I have, and am super excited to go back home (in 10 grueling hours) and continue this rhythm.

Well to end, I implore you to seek the Lords face, to hear is voice, and to not stop, ever.

More to come...

Grace,
Nicole

2008-08-05T12:21:00.003-07:00

This is just a quick blog to hold you up until I can have more then five minutes at a computer.

Well I am here in Old Orchard Beach, Maine - it is absolutely fabulous. My next blog will give more details as I have to get going sooner then I thought.

But there is a group of us here doing some Prophetic Evangelism, or Spiritual Readings as our sign says. There has been some great fruit come out of this - Ill write all about it another time, but in the mean time please pray for us. Pray stuff like Psalm 91 over us, and I petition you to pray for me too. But the Lord is good, so so good is He.

We've been rained out a couple nights, and had the pleasure of listening to the preaching of Commissioner Israel Gaither - great preacher.

OOB, is a very small town, I am still trying to figure out how it attracts so many, well it is absolutely gorgeous so I guess that's a good reason why....but I ran into some old Corps Officers of mine here. When I was in the War College (apply today at www.thewarcollege.com) I had my summer assignment in Victoria BC, and since then those officers have moved to Regina SK. Last night I ran into them here, in OOB, ME...weird! It was great to see them though.

Anyways, Im off to go pray...yipee!
Pictures to come.

Grace,
Nicole

2008-07-25T19:45:00.002-07:00

I do not love cats. They smell, hiss, scratch and I am allergic to them.

The City of Vancouver has recently begun to give out tickets to people sleeping in a park a couple blocks away from my house. The police will come in early in the morning, tear up tents, throw away my friends and neighbours belongings and give 'em a $75 ticket, they know will not be paid. Some speculate the idea behind this is so that come the Olympics, all those with accumulated tickets will then be issued a warrant for their arrest and will "conveniently" get arrested and serve time during the Olympics.

A few of us have decided that this is not an okay idea and some have gone to be in the park with those who are there and offer themselves to be ticketed also. Then we are going to put all our accumulated tickets together and drop them off at City Hall and not pay. I think the cops have been by once, didn't ticket anyone, and haven't been back since the first day.

See, in this park there is a big sign that says "Homelessness is NOT a Crime". There is a couch, and it is set up just like a living room. There is even someones pet cat, that walks around (without a leash, in case you were wondering), just like someones home - I don't even mind this cat, it kinda gives an at home feeling.

The other night, a friend and I were walking by and spent a bit of time hanging out with our neighbours. It was late, and it was set up with some candle lights, and it was beautiful. There were some of the most beautiful prayers spoken, and one of the better displays of 'every tribe and nation' Ive seen lately.

I don't really know why the City would want to ticket us and throw us in jail. On this particular night, this park was possibly the safest, calmest and most peaceful places in the DTES.

If you don't see some pictures of this up in the next day or so, remind me to go for a walk, take a picture and get it up here.

----------------------------------------------------

How is Nicole?

Great!
I've had a pretty swell week. BTI is in session and it is always a blessing to have some Warriors come in. It gets us all pumped and fired up. We put on our best face and show up to things we may have been slacking in. Being involved with BTI the bit I have been has been uplifting, and a good reminder why I am here.

The Lord is teaching me about being obedient to Him. I have been tested, and have caught even myself off guard when I passed. It is becoming a natural thing to do as well. So, my exhortation of the day, if you will, is be obedient. It becomes natural, and you just get really blessed up to, while blessing the Lord and others.

BTI concludes tonight, with an all night of prayer. If you are in the area, seriously come out tonight. Third floor of the Crosswalk, at Abbott and Hastings. 10pm-6am.

We are also finalising some things for The War College next year. It's going to be a great year. A couple spots are left - apply today at www.thewarcollege.com.

Peace!

2008-07-21T03:06:00.002-07:00

I'm slacking on the blogging thing (ht: CTS) I think I might re-discipline myself into much more regular blogging, I even have 7 thoughts lined up for future posts.

I was contemplating self-control tonight, and I got a picture of victory. Of a person (or perhaps the Church) marching onward, and claiming her victories by driving a stake into the ground. Each stake represented her declaring freedom. And each stake was her advancing forwards, claiming more ground along the way.

The stake (see Judges 4) is self-control. I mean the stake in itself is literally just a sharp piece of something, or figuratively it is power and boldness. It is when we say NO-MORE to sin and that which holds us back that we drive a stake into the ground, declaring to death, which gives us the victory and the territory. The stake is our mark, and we can now advance towards it. No looking back. It is when this stake plowed deep within the ground our spirits and flesh unite and the fruit is self-control. The removal of this stake then is the removal of self-control. When the stake is taken out of the ground, we loose ground. It is our self-control that keeps that stake in.

I think we often see self-control as the hardest "fruit of the spirit" to keep, and I have come to realise I am not sure why. It is the one out of the nine that actually requires nothing from us. Our job is to NOT do anything, to NOT remove the stake.

I wonder if this is why a Vampires death is a wooden stake to the heart (or garlic)?

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How is Nicole?

Last week crummy, this week terrific. I am on a constant roller-coaster. But driving stakes into the ground sure enough bring the crumminess to terrificness.

Booth-Tucker Institute (BTI) began today. We've got a sweet line up going on, Praying Psalms together, 60 seconds of Spiritual Pump, some gardening, and an all night of prayer. If you are in the Vancouver area this week - certainly pop by and taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

To short notice? That's okay - perhaps you'd prefer 52 weeks instead. There might be a few spots left for the Conquerors Session of The War College, beginning this September. Apply at www.thewarcollege.com.

I've had a some moments recently where I find myself grieving with the Father. Over broken covenant between the Lord and his people, how we reject his love and his grace, and how a weeping prophet acts. These moments though I might devote a whole blog too.

I'm heading up to (or I guess down and across) to Maine in about 10 days. Going to be part of a Prophetic Evangelism team at Old Orchard Beach. I am eager with anticipation at what Yahweh has in store.

Some good friends of mine are in town too - such a lovely thing. Some good friends of mine are headed onwards - not as lovely.

Peace!

2008-07-04T21:48:00.002-07:00

I was talking with some people this week about wounds and forgiveness. We were talking about forgiveness and the healing it brings, and how it brings us closer to Christ for it is a foundational characteristic of Him, and by walking it out we physically bring ourselves closer to Christ. Almost inevitably as we were talking about wounds and what has caused our wounds abuse came up. I think abuse and forgiveness together may be one of the harder things to do. How do you forgive someone who is abusing you. Do you say "I forgive you" and return to the situation, no hard feelings, only to be victimized again? Of coarse not, in this context we encouraged anyone who may be in an abusive relationship to get out and to speak it out. Then it was suggested that telling someone about the abuse is in fact walking out forgiveness itself. This boggled me for a bit. I mean forgiveness is desiring for this other person the same things you desire or not wishing bad things for this person and I don't desire judgement or jail - which are two likely outcomes of speaking out abuse, but then I got to really thinking about it, and I think I agree. If we agree that God's judgement is in fact eternal damnation, then we must agree that that is "the worst that could happen". Or, the largest consequence of abuse is in fact death. So, by speaking out abuse, we are actually stopping "the worst thing that could happen" to this person, giving an opportunity for repentance. And by doing that, then I can agree we are forgiving, for we are no longer wishing bad on the person, because if we were, then we would remain silent and allow for death to be victorious.

Forgiveness. I wonder if true forgiveness is when you don't have anyone to blame for your problems. Like, there are people in my life I am pretty sure I have forgiven. Who I love and would never ever want anything bad to happen to them. Yet, some issues I am currently going through I find it easy to say, "I'm like this because this person did this to me", and I wonder if I have truly forgiven them, then I wouldn't 'blame' those situations. I don't know. Just thinking it out loud (or writing in out).

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How is Nicole doing?

Well, just got back from Teen Camp today. It was a good week. Tiring though. I had a cabin by myself mostly full of girls I didn't know and my patience and energy drained quickly. This could have been a result of my first ever migraine on Monday. It was awful! I couldn't open my eyes fully and every step I took made my head hurt so bad. I don't cry (over pain) almost ever, but I was even brought to tears for this. It hurt from the moment I woke up, to part of the next day. But when it was gone - I felt great. Had some good times with God this week. And made connections and deepened relationships with the girls, so that was fabulous too. And, Camp Sunrise is simply a great place to be for me, and I covet every opportunity I get to go up.

Now I am home and it is time to re-settle into things. Back to schedule...well maybe on Monday.

Peace out.

2008-06-27T21:59:00.002-07:00

It is so good to be weak.
Yes, I said that right.
It is good to be weak.

Weakness, I have discovered, is a great place to be.

It is only in weakness that we can find the epi center of humility.
It is only in weakness that we really really REALLY have to rely on the Lord and on others.

But this isnt something I can take credit for, or have come up with myself. It's a truth I have heard many times before, that the Lord's strength and power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9) or even dating before that in Isaiah 40, that the LORD gives strength to the weary and gives power to the weak.

But, it is only in weakness that this truth, that we hear often, becomes a reality. It is in only in weakness that we understand this mystery.

Although, weakness hidden under pride, or under lies, or under fear, or under not being vulnerable or real is a very dangerous place to be.

So embrace your weakness, so that, you can be embraced by the LORD.

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Where's Nicole at?

Physically - back in Vancouver. Linsey's wedding was lovely...beautiful...a joyous time by all. I'll post pictures soon. Since being back I've gone up to camp, and did a teaching thing on Listening Prayer...it went over really well, I was blessed, others were blessed, it was a blessed time. I head back up for Teen Camp on Sunday, for a week, that will be great too. So this week I still feel in vacation mode...all laid back and all. Since I know I'm going out of town again shortly, I havent really stepped back into routine, and I'm okay with that :)

Emotionally - I am in this beautiful place of weakness. And really, it is a great place to be. I feel so weak, and on edge, and unstable, yet so strong...why? Only through God's strength do I know this.

Spiritually - I am loving the LORD's presence (and I credit this to my recent love of weakness). Digging in Isaiah in my rations. Chewing on the LORDs Righteousness and Justice -thinking of some sweet tattoo's too, probably on my feet - you know for the whole foundation effect.

PEACE

2008-06-18T18:15:00.002-07:00

It has come to my attention that my blog needs some attention.
(Hat tip HD)

I just don't know what to write about. I guess lately I have found hope in the lowest of places. Usually, for me anyways, I can only see hope in hopeful situations. When everything is going great then ya, I see hope. When a friend is making the right choices and whose life is going up and straight, ya I can see hope. But when temptation is yielded to over and over I do not see hope. And when my friends backslide for the hundredth time I cannot see hope. And when I've hit rock bottom hope is gone.

The past few weeks have been hard, really hard. In the past, times like these have resulted in becoming hopeless and fearful. Two feelings that cause me to retreat, revert and run away. I think times like these hope is a far fetched word that generally I am blinded to, but I think I have finally learned to trust and thus to hope.

The tough times do not actually bring hope nor does hope flee. On the contrary, hope now becomes that much brighter. Because it is brighter, maybe that is why we become blind for a time. You know, like Saul before he became Paul was going down that road, and then BAM, was blinded by what I am going to now argue as hope (among much more), and it was only after being blind that he could see.

There is hope in blindness too, because the good news is that the Lord will open blind eyes (that promise is all over the Bible).

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What is Nicole up to?

Currently I am in Tulsa Oklahoma whilst my dear friend Linsey New gets married on Saturday. I am hear with fellow Martyrs Beracah, Barnum, Linsey herself, Travis comes tomorrow and Sue Ann on Friday and alumni Heather Dolby (D&G) and Juanito Reyes (H_). What a joyous time this has been. Reunions are such a pleasant time. I encourage you to have many. A good place to start is at the War College - now recruiting for the Conquerors Session 08/09 and the War Cry session 09/10 - apply at www.thewarcollege.com.

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Peace!

2008-05-26T01:30:00.002-07:00

Did you read armybarmy today?

Good, then you must have refreshed yourself with Catherine Booth's quote "It is time for FIRE", which reminded me of a tongue that someone had a couple weeks back with the interpretation, "It's time for the FIRE to raise up".

FIRE, has been a bit of a theme for me lately I suppose you can say...fittingly this years War College name is Incendiary, which means someone who deliberately starts fire, or a person who stirs up fire.

So a few weeks ago in Cell the Lord said to me "Fire, start the FIRE". And I started reading 1 Kings 18, when Elijah was on Mt. Carmel and the YHWH vs. baal debate. Elijah says "He who answers by fire, He is God" (needless to say, our God, YHWH, was the one to answer by fire)

Then at Knee Drill that same week I was brought back to this same passage. And the reality of it is that we need to know the Lord. The FIRE of the Lord fell and consumed the offering and the wood and licked up the water. We need to know this was done so people would know the Lord. The FIRE births intimacy (which might even relate to why romantic and intimate times often involve candle light)

Then the other week I was on street combat...and when I found out it was the Incendiary's last one before summer assignment I got this picture of a dying fire, the coals were hot and the smoldering, and it wasn't a bad thing - because at any moment you put the wood on, or you put the paper on and the flames would burst forth quickly.

Then with the coal thing in mind the Lord brought me to Isaiah 6 in my rations. You know the famous calling of Isaiah. When he had a vision from the Lord and the serephim took the burning hot coal and touched his lips and he was clean and all guilt and sin was atoned for.

But the thing about this was Isaiah could not be sent without being cleansed. He could not go out from here with out the washing and sanctification of the Lord.

The coals birth fire. The coals represent the holiness of the Lord. Holiness births fire. If it is time for fire (which it is) then it is time for holiness (which it is).

It can be argued that holiness is intimacy. So it can then be argued that holiness (or intimacy) birth fire and fire births intimacy (or holiness).

I like it when things cycle around...becuase it always brings you back to the LORD.

God is here.

2008-05-25T07:47:00.003-07:00

Have you read the ArmyBarmy blog lately?
Check out the Sunday May 25th post...and then tonight when I am back I'll throw in some FIRE related blogging too.

Also dont forget to apply to the Conqueror's Session this coming year or the War Cry session the year after.

Apply to either the Vancouver or Chicago Campus' at www.thewarcollege.com

2008-05-10T13:30:00.002-07:00

It's been a while since I've blogged I know, and Im trying to wait until I have more then five minutes at a computer to write something profound and great. But that five minutes is coming long and far. So I thought I would write whats going on in my head anyways.

Well, lets see...
Fullness was recent. It was good. The Lord spoke to me a lot...a lot on covenant. I focused a bit on the Covenant between the Lord and Abram and later the Lord and Abraham. A bit unrelated...The Lords covenant...promise to Abraham was to give him a his greatest desire, a son...but I wonder...was Abraham's greatest desire to have a son, or was it to be a father? Might seem similar, but it hit home a bit for me.

Oh and then there was Chicago...that was a great time. Ive heard some suggest that there was a 98% response to salivations and sanctification's. PRAISE GOD. Chicago is starting up a War College too...www.thewarcollegechicago.com.

Both Vancouver and Chicago campus' have a few spots left for the Conquerors year 2008-2009...apply today at www.thewarcollege.com.

Right now Im building character...Godly character, which I was recently reminded comes only from prayer and intimacy with the Lord. I've been truly amazed these past few days at what prayer can do.

I want to always be in the presence of Christ...and I can. I am.

Shalom,
Nicole

2008-04-29T19:20:00.004-07:00

So Im speaking briefly on confession this weekend. (If you are from Chicago and you are reading this post - STOP and wait post youth councils)

Here's the thing with confession. Its a discipline, not an option. I used to be the queen of not confessing. Not a wise deciition, let me tell you. Keeping death hidden and undercover does not solve anything - just makes it worse. And as cliche as that sounds I can provide countless examples of this - ask me and Id be more then happy to provide (right confession is good for the soul). James tells us confession brings healing. And if confession brings healing then not confessing brings death. Jesus says the truth will set you free. Confession is the purest point of truth.

Also if we are not practicing confession then we are opening ourselves up to enemy attack. By not being vulnerable with eachother we leave ourselves vulnerable to enemy attack.

The Catholics get this discipline of Holy Confession- I dont know enough about it to write out now...but maybe Ill research it a bit and come back with some juicy details..haha.

Why don't we confess? Simple, we dont want to look 'bad'...or have others think of us differently. Well the solution to that is just as simple - obedience (which is just a more commonly accepted word for Holiness). If you are Holy then you have nothign to confess and if you have nothing to confess then you cant look bad.

So get Holy - if not - confess so you can be healed...just dont sit around in death.

2008-04-07T06:52:00.003-07:00

I am looking for any information on covenant.

Old wine and new wine.
Old covenant and the new covenant.
Covenant in regards to solidership.
Covenant in regards to marraige.
Books to read.
Articals or websites.
Anything.

Leave a comment or email me, (nicolebrindle@gmail.com), please.

2008-04-06T00:46:00.004-07:00

So I got evangelised to by Mormans the other day. Or as I was recently corrected proselytized.
They know what they are doing, not enough to convince me or anything, but enough to have me re-examine how I do.

The conversation went as such:

"I didnt know the Salvation Army was a religion, I thought it was just a thrift store"

(the first question was to see where I was personally at, I answered that we arent a religion by any means, but we are a denomenation of the Christian Church...but I answered what they wanted, they wanted to know my belief first - thats a good way to approach evangelism, first find out what the other person actually beleives)

"So what is The Salvation Army's idea of the purpose of life"

(the second question stummped me, cuz i actually dont know the answer. I said to win the world for Jesus, which was exactly what they wanted me to hear, cuz it led them right to the third question - and I would argue the key in all evangelism)

"What is your view on Jesus"

(Jesus is Lord, fully God and fully man, Saviour)

"Oh, so you believe in the Trininty"

(which is where they were going the whole time, and by my answers led them right to it)

Then I started asking them questions, and they werent stumped at all, had an answer for each question. They knew there stuff.

I dont agree, nor do I oppose, direct evangelism, Im more into relationship...but there are times when direct evangelism needs to, and will happen, and I need to know my stuff. I need to be prepared and ask the right questions.

These two morman missionaries knew there stuff, they knew what to ask, and how to answer.

When I am directly evangelising, which generally is Street Combat or brigades, I do more of the talking and rather then asking questions to see where the other person is at, I guess I preach directly...I think I should ask more questions? Doesnt hurt to try somethign new...

2008-03-31T08:02:00.002-07:00

I blogged this on the War Room blog aswell (blogroll to the right), and although they are similar, they have their differences, I recommend reading both.

Psalm 139 - How wonderfully complex he has made us!

Suddenly my mind is taken off myself. Psalm 139 is often reflected upon for personal edification, for personal knowledge of how the Lord has created you. I have long struggled with self-image, seeing myself as beautiful or accepting the Lord has made me 'good', and for years I have been directed to this Psalm for truth - yet never finding satisfaction or assurance from it, until now. Becuase it's not about ME! (yet I get that it is all at the same time). But, if we are saying that the Church is the Body of Christ, then wow - how fearfully and wonderfully you have made us - He knit us and formed us.

Or in Paul's first letter to Corinth, he says that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and that we are to glorify Christ with our bodies. Along with the above I have also struggled with putting toxins in my body, in the Lord's temple. And again directed to this verse for conviction and knowledge, but never got it fully. Sure I would live it out in faith, but it just makes so much more sense now. OUR body is a temple to the Lord. OUR bodies together is the Body of Christ, and the Body of Christ is where the Holy Spirit dwells. By poisening MY body I was poisening YOUR body, because MY body is part of the greater body, which is the Body of Christ.

In Matthew, Jesus boldly teaches that if your hand causes you to sin cut it off, or if you eye is the root of sin gauge it out. Again, I'm floored by the idea that it is no longer a personal thing, but for the WHOLE body. If there is a part of our body that is unclean or unholy we need to cut it off. Purge the Lord's temple of all that defiles.

And that's why it is so important to find your role, to know what part of the body you are. If you are not doing what you were created to do you will get weak and tired (as a whole). Figurativly, if you are the feet but are workign with your hands then you will get become weak and fall. We were not created to walk on our hands, try this for a day, not even, try this for a minute and you will soon fall, you will soon discover that walking on your hands will ruin you. Or if your 'role' is blinking, but you are operating the breathing, then it effects the eyes, which will dry out and vision becomes blurry (which will affect the legs in where to go...) Litrally, if you are created to work in helps, to be the aid of the eye, but instead of offering helps you are serving (with your hands) then the prophets vision is hindered (then the apostles direction is blurry, then the shepards could be leading the wrong flock, or the teachers teaching the wrong message....)

Im an evangelist, aparently, and for years I have not seen this and have been discouraged becuase the fruit of this is rotten. Sure I have seen numbers of people confess the name of our Lord but today only a handful of these converts continue to confess the name of Jesus. When using this to deny this 'gifting' it was shown to me that this is when the body part responsible for dischiplship, teaching and pastoring is to do what it was created to do and that I need to do what I was created for.

This is why identity, and knowing who you are in Christ becomes ever so important. If you dont know who you are, or what you are supposed to do, how then do you do it. I stopped preaching salvation and using testimony becuase since the fruit has gotten rotten I figured it wasnt my role to play, and have been wrestling for a long time trying to find out my 'identity'. And without identity you are nothing. If you dont have a passport or I.D Card you cannot prove your existence.

Know who Christ is and know who you are IN him. (In him, in his body - wow).

It's not easy though eh? It's not as simple as saying ok you are the hand, you are the heart, you are the knee...or you are the servent, you are the compassionate or you are the intersessor....you've got to figure out the nervous system, and the immune system and the pinky toe-nail.

How do you do it then???? By consulting the rest of the body!

Oh man, how wonderfully complex this all is.

2008-03-29T13:55:00.002-07:00

We are the salt of the earth and the light of the world.
Taste (salt) and see (light) that the Lord is good.
Mouth and eyes.
I wonder if our evangelism should come from the mouth and eyes. What I mean is that sure a large part of what we clasify as evangelism is what we say (mouth-taste-salt), but I think a larger part comes from what others see. (Eyes-see-light).
I heard a great preacher the other night talk about the image of Christ and in the end encouraged us to pray that we would see Christ in others and that others would see Christ in us. And furthered his action points with approaching people and telling them where they see Christ. So, I suggest the same to you, email, call, text, visit someone and tell them where you see Christ in them.

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The knowledge of Salvation is the forgivness of sins. (Luke 1:77)

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In studying salvation...I came across Isaiah 1, and found it interesting (and assuring) that salvation is active. A lot of verses talk about us being washed and clensed by the Lord (and Im not knocking those in anyways, as we cannot DO anything to be saved, salvation can ONLY come from the LORD and by His grace and not by what we do) but in Isaiah it tells us to wash ourselves, to cease to do evil, to do good, to seek justice, to correct oppression, to bring justice to the fatherless and to please the widows case. Though your sins are like scarlet they shall be as white as snow, though they are red like crimson they shall become like wool. If you are willing and obedient you shall eat the good of the land. (Isaiah 1:16-19)

Later in Isaiah salvation is described as a hiding place and shelter.

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In the end I still have no idea what Im talking about, but I know I want to.
I'll be processing my reflections as I continue to reflect.

2008-03-24T01:31:00.002-07:00

He is Risen. Hallelujah.

Risen...He rose from the dead, He is victorious. Death cannot even hold Him back. He is the WAY the TRUTH and the LIFE.

Life conquers death.

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I wonder if we ever under spiritualise things to avoid over spiritualising instead. I know I do. What happens when we under spiritualise things? We put the Lord on a back burner, we take glory and we take the credit, we think God isnt as big as He is, God now becomes incapable and our faith isnt given room to grow.

What happens when we over spiritulise things? I dont know. Is it such a bad thing afterall?

I am such a logical thinker and I look at reality all too deeply. But come on, Christ rose from the dead, that's not very logical according to human standards, nor does it fall into the catagory of reality - but it is still very real and it is still extremely cool.

If we are going to take on one extreme over another, I think it's safer to over spiritulise things.

Maybe I am using the wrong adjectives to express what I mean. But I think there is more danger in not recognising when the Lord moves as opposed to recognising it too much.

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2008-03-20T18:34:00.003-07:00

Is it wrong to be a people pleaser, or to want to make people happy. I don't think it is. I mean sure there is that time Paul talks about not pleasing people as it doesn't matter, but to please God is our main objective, and I agree full on with that. But I would suggest the Lord is pleased...greatly pleased when we do something for someone else. I am often told I am a people pleaser, and I'm okay with that. If I do something like lend my car here or pick up something there or take on an extra shift at work or whatever and by doing that someone else is happy then I will continue doing it, for I think when other people are happy the Lord is happy and that is why I am here - to please the Lord.

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So we just had RAW here in Vancouver, a great time. A bunch of teens all over BC spent their March break loving the Lord and serving the poor. One night we did this Tabernacle thing, set up some stations one with incense another reflecting on Christ and another of the holy of holies. The entire time we had this Matt Redman song on repeat "Are the Prayers of the saints like sweet smelling incense"...and me in my pride and in my selfishness began to think, no they are not. More people could be praying, there could be some more intersession, louder praise, etc. I was sad thinking that we weren't praying enough or weren't praying well and I didn't even ask the Lord...and then I asked him...are our prayers like sweet smelling incense expecting Him to say no and being discouraged...but I was humbled yet again by His response. He said yes, these prayers are like sweet smelling incense and an aroma that is very pleasing. The Lord loves it when His people pray and it is always a pleasing aroma when we pray.

While at RAW we were worshipping and the worship leader asked us if we wanted more, "Who wants more, more of the Lord" he asked. Now Im not denying that statement by any means, and I agree with it fully, that we should always be wanting, needing, desperatly searching for more of the Lord. But when he asked us that I heard the Lord say, I want more of you. The Lord wants more of us. It's a two way stream...we want more of the Lord and He wants more of us. He really wants more of us. All of us.

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Two people I love dearly and are very close to me have both resently been diagnosed with medical conditions both of which are controlled by diet and what you intake. I wonder what the Lord is doing? I'm not one to over-spiritualise things but I just wonder. A few years ago a bunch of people I knew where having heart issues. One had a heart attack, another was born with a heart murmur, someone else had a bypass and a forth was having unknown complications with her heart...through this the Lord was speaking to our hearts. How our hearts need to be right and clean...etc. And then recently I kept hearing about people and strokes which are complications in the brain and wondered if the Lord is teaching us to worship him with all our minds. And now is the Lord saying we need to rely on Him and His word to fill us. To watch our intake and make sure we don't consume anything that will harm us. In one sense why not...I mean the Lords truth and instruction is to work on having a clean heart, to lean all our understanding on Him, to worship Him with our whole mind and to flee from that which will harm and to intake all that is good. Either way it is still truth and still something we should do...but does recent events have any deeper meaning?

2008-03-11T22:42:00.003-07:00

silence.

you know that 400 years of silence before Jesus was born...i think im going to adapt that life style for a bit

2008-02-25T04:16:00.001-08:00

God is really really Holy.

2008-02-17T04:06:00.003-08:00

Someone got on my case about my lack of bloggage (ht:ll), so excuses of being busy and my computer being out of commission aside I shall bring you a blog...

As part of our Corps we hit the streets weekly in an attempt to save souls...and I've been wanting to highlight Street Combat for the past few weeks anyways, so when better then my long overdue blog to do it.

Two weeks ago while on Street Combat I saw real live ninjas, got called quote "a ding-a-ling", and was also unable to deny being a cop.

But I want to highlight last weeks Street Comabt more (but perhaps the Ninja sighting will be expanded on later)

Last week we began by looking at Luke 10, specifically the Parable of the Good Samariten. "Who is our neighbour" and inquiring mind asked and Jesus replied with the Good Samariten story - you know the one where this one dude is beaten up badly and a couple socially accepted guys walk by and cross the street specifically to avoid him, and then this socially unaccepted guy shows mercy and compassion. So we dwelled on this passage and were encouraged to meet our neighbours with mercy and compassion.

We met together in a dark alley to pray and then split up into two's to walk the streets and meet our neighbours. Rob and I walked a few steps over to a coherant, although high, couple and asked if they were our neighbours. Dude, later identified as Jaden, said he wasnt from around here but jsut gets high here. He then asked, shockingly, "Why do you live down here?". Rob lives in the Balmoral Hotel and when that was said to Jaden he laughed and told us he buys his dope their and I guess that makes us neighbours. We had a fairly surface level conversation with Jaden and his girlfriend Rebecca, until the cops rolled up and they fled.

During our conversation with these two, about a foot away was this other guy. Sitting on the wet and slimey ally ground. Just shot up some heroin and was falling over, non-coherant, and couldnt speak. I considered crossing by and not talking to him, becuase my interaction with guys in this state of mind has not been fruitful. But then I remembered the scripture we focused on and got convicted. I was just like the priest or the temple worker who crossed over to avoid inconvienence. I repented and we went to talk to this guy, later idetified as Jimmy.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"mmmfffbuufmm" He replied.

"Are, you okay? How can we help"

"mmffbuumffnm"

"Can we help you, What's your name"

"mmffbummsf"
At this point my mercy and compassion were quickly fading as he was unresponsive.

"Can we call the paramedics for you, you arent looking so hot..."

"Go" I thought I heard

"If you want us to go we can, but Im going to call the paramedics"

"No" I thought I heard this time.
But it was pretty clear he was in need of some medical attention. Couldnt sit up straight. Going in and out of conscieouness. Used needle beside him. Body fluids escaping him...

"Help" He said, proving my previous interpreations wrong.
He then reached his hand out towards me and I helped him sit up straight.

"Hey, I'm Nicole, and this is Rob. What's your name"
"Jimmy"

Jimmy began to have a very with-it conversation with us. He offered us some of his Twix bar and Nacho Chips. I asked him if he was our neighbour and he said "If you live down here then you sure are, becuase you are standing in my living room" He then made some sexual joke about inviting me over to his bedroom but it was in good humour - he wasnt being creepy really. I sat down beside him and we talked some more, about the weather, how our days were and eventually about salvation. He suddenly became very concerned about where I was sitting as he thought I was on his needle. I thought he was concerned only becuase he didnt want to lose it...turns out he was more concerend about my safetly. But the needle was a good distance from me a whole 4 inches anyways.

At one point his friend Olivia came to borrow his crack pipe. As he handed it to her he was very clear (this is the same guy who 10 minutes earlier could not form a word) that she could use it as long as it was around the corner, becuase we were his new friends and he didnt want us around that. I actually didnt mind, but it was really nice of him to care about us and to call us his friends.

Suddenly it was already 10:20 and we had to get going, but Jimmy assured us that we could come over and visit him anytime. I left feeling a bit unsatisfied. I felt like nothing was done, and that we didnt make any difference...but then I had to remember that this was the same person I was ready to call emergency personell in for. I arrived feeling scared for Jimmy's life and left feeling safe about leaving him. I guess God did move.

The beauty of Street Combat is that it forces me to meet my neighbours. During the week I can be selfish. Do the things I have to do, go to the places I have to go - but rarely do I just go out meeting my neighbours. Street Combat makes that easy for me to do.

This post is already long I know, but I can't deny you the Ninja story, as it is good.

So I'm walking down Cordova on my way to Oppenhiemer Park when I see a couple squad auto's and a few more ghost cars. "Ohh, there's police, let's j-walk" I said and we crossed the street. We met this lady who was fairly hard to miss with her wild orange hair. "What's going on" we asked and she said that the police had evacuated her apartment building and they had been waiting outside for a couple hours already. We got to talking, Fern was her name, and she seemed quite lovely. Then these two guys dressed in black, complete with semi-automatics and black toques (the kind that cover the face) walk out of the apartment and into their Ninja car. Some like to call them SWAT teams, I prefer the term ninja. The the paddy wagon rolls up and I suggest that maybe they were not for this bust...it was here Fern called me a ding-a-ling, becuase clearly the paddy wagon was here for the action too.

We continued walking through Oppenheimer Park and met three others from this apartment. We asked them their names and if they were from acrose the street and it was here I was called a cop. Even after denying that, and pointing out the red and white shield on my coat, these three remained unconvinced. Then my phone rang "See, you are a cop...cops have nice cell phones like that"...My conversation didnt help my cause.

"Ya Liv, just park the car on Powell and bring the keys to the truck, Im on Street Combat but I'll be there soon"...yup didnt sound like a cop at all hey....

Always a good story from Street Combat - come out if you're in the area - 2130h at the Command Center every Sunday night.

And don't forget to check out the Vaniety Issue of JAC, available at armybarmy.com.

God is here.

2008-02-03T03:37:00.000-08:00

I have been spiritually unwell for so long that now that I am better I have forgotten where the line is from personal suffering and the type of suffering Paul talks about. And I got to thinking, maybe there shouldnt be a line. I shouldnt be able to tell when things are bad because of my own problems or becuase of someone elses, but I should treat them all the same, isnt that really what community is and what being a follower of Jesus looks like. When my friend is sad I am heartbroken too. When my neighbour is being treated in an unjust manner this should make me angry as if it was happening to me.

I am scared to answer the question "How are you" these days becuase the truth is I am not okay. I am not scared of the truth I am scared of how others will interperate that. So just to get it out there I am okay as in the things that tied me up a couple months ago are not tying me up but I am not okay as in the things that are tying my friends and my neighbours up are tying me up too. And here I still feel as if I have to explain my every emotion and explain that Nicole is fine but Nicoles soul is downcast. I hate it. I dont want to grow up. I want to be in the comfort of innocence. I want my mommy.

In PTB the other day we prayed some solid scriptures on grace. The whole time I didnt stop saying I need grace. We were supposed to thank the Lord for his grace and I realised I am in desperate need for His grace.

I am in desperate need for the Lord. The other day I was sitting in my comfortable house and in my comfortable clothes and in the comfort of my selfishness and I didnt want to leave. I wanted to remain comfortable. While my neighbours are ten feet away dying in their addiction and dying in their pain and dying in there lonliness. What did I do? I remained in my comfort and stayed at home. Since when do I do that? Since when did I start caring more about my pathetic self then about my friends then about my neighbours. I have gotten so used to being "burnt out" and to "needing time to heal" and to being told "not to do things until I am well" that I have lost the joy of loving. Suddenly to love became hard. I used to be alright at loving others and now it is a chore. Now I have gotten lazy in love and selfish and now I focus too much on myself. Now I look to please my flesh and have put the Kingdom on the back burner. When did that happen?

I just sat through a conversation between my friend and a co-worker. Long story short I did not agree with my co-worker. But instead of defending the widow I remained silent. I cared more about me then I did her. I miss the Lord.

LORD, HEAR MY CRY. FREE ME FROM MY FLESH. WHERE ARE YOU LORD. WHERE IS YOUR GRACE. HAVE I GONE THAT FAR. HAVE I GONE SO FAR THAT I CANNOT RETURN. WHERE ARE YOU. I NEED YOU.

and then He comes. He comes. He comes. He comes! He is here. Shining like the sun. He is not far. He is not long away. He is here. God is here. GOD IS HERE. Hallelujah He is here. His presence is His grace. I need his presence as I need his grace.

Remain in me and I will remain in you, He says.

My soul hurts. My soul is in pain and is in anguish. Too much rejection and too much fear. Too many people getting hurt. Too many people dying. Enough is enough. Where is the love. Where is the justice. Where is the hope. My soul hurts. But my spirit rejoices. It will always rejoice.

I realise this post is all over the place....its becuase my understanding, my thoughts and my emotions are all over the place too. I want to be focused. I want my undivided focus to be at the feet of Jesus. I want undivided focus on the King. For thats where it ought to be. Its not there though I dont think. It's also all over the place becuase I have written all the pages of my journal dry and until I go get a new one I am needed to process my thoughts before my mind explodes.

Oh and while I have been struggling with my selfishness and my confussion and my frustration and my rejection...I have likely (almost certainly) taken it out on others. So sorry to you.

So, I dont know what I am thinking and I dont know where I am with the Lord, but I do know I need him. And thats all I need to know anyways.

2008-01-20T04:08:00.000-08:00

When I lose joy and when I lose hope I find that the common denominator is that I have lost the presence of the Lord.

When I am abiding with him I feel safe. I feel protected. When I feel safe I have joy and I have hope. When I have those things I want to shout it from the rooftops. I want to share this good news with my friends and neighbours. When I feel hopeless I want to hide and be alone. I dont want to ruin someone elses day, and I dont want to bring anyone down.

What I need is Him. To be in his presence again. For within His presence I am safe.

How? Worship. Worship. Worship.

I know this, and it is so simple. Worship.

Meet Him at His feet. Bow down and worship the almighty. Becuase when we worship we dont bring this junk and these crap feelings with us, beucase its not about us and not about how we feel, how I feel....its about him and that is what worship does - honor him, and only him - none of me.

When I worship I forget about me - and thats what I need to be in His presence and to feel safe.

The answer is always worship.

AND A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUTOUT TO CHERIE WHITE!
MANY BLESSINGS
LOVE YOU

2008-01-15T22:41:00.000-08:00

The police love me these days.

Yesterday I got my first speeding ticket. I wasnt even going that fast. And I was in the states which only makes it worse.

Then tonight I was driving and got pulled over becusae they ran my plates and my name came up with "wanted". So he pulls me over, confiscates my keys, amung others and then clears my name and lets me go. (For the record I dont have a warrent out for my arrest)

I wonder what my next copper expierence will be!

2008-01-06T01:14:00.000-08:00

When I read the Bible I sure read a lot about angels. Angel encounters, angel conversations, wrestling with an angel - and I don't think I give enough credit to the angel role. And I surely don't want to give too much credit to their role either.

Throughout the Word there are many mediums the Lord uses to speak. Dreams, prophecy, visions, his voice...those I don't tend to doubt much. Yet one of the more common things I read about the Lord using is angels and I doubt that more then I should.

I have been taught to be wary of the whole angel thing, mostly I believe because of the way angels have been perverted to be these things to be worshipped, or are the center of most new age religions. But other things (like dreams, prophecy, vision and his voice) that I do trust have been perverted too (into nightmares, phycics, hallucinations and schizophrenia). So why am I so skeptical of this angel thing?

I'm not very skeptial of demons though. I know their existence. I see their role. I have been spoken to by one.

I've never had a conversation with an angel though. That is where my doubt rises from I suppose...

Could be because I am so ignorant about it all - I know very little about angels. I know their role, some of their names and even have seen a couple. I'm not doubting their existence or their holiness at all - I'm just thinking I don't think my eyes are open enough to how great their presence is.

Throughout the Bible there are clouds of angels surrounding us. We are promised that the Lords angels will guard and protect us. An angel of the Lord appeared to Mary and Joseph to just name a few.

This comes up because last night I was hearing the Lord over and over in so many different ways (it was an intense night) and today I was sitting in the car while Jacynta was reading Hebrews out, as we do, and it mentioned something about angels and I began to wonder if I was talking with angels last night, thinking I might have, but very doubtful I did.

So all this to say - I want answers. I want comments. I want you all to tell me everything you know about angels. Or recommend me some good authors - as I'm very skeptical about books about angels too. Why is it that we think dreams are more common then angel armies? Are they? I do know that angels are not to be worshipped and I'm not looking to do that - I just think they are around speaking to us a lot more then we realise and I want to recognise more of this - so I can glorify the Lord in all.

I realise this post is all over the place but it is only because I am confused and looking for answers.

Are angels as present today as they were when written about from Genesis to Revelation?

2008-01-04T20:56:00.001-08:00

I actually have couple drafts of meaningful blogs saved. Some thoughts on intersession, freedom, advocacy, the presence of the Lord, hope, joy, safety and faith - but until i get those out i thought I would do another one of these lame surveys i see all the time on facebook....

JANUARY
1. Who kissed you on new years? Absolutly no one!
2. Did you have a new year's resolution this year? Ya, lots - ill tell you about them later
3. Does it snow where you live? sort of - the country yes - vancovuer itself - not so much
4. Do you like hot chocolate? not my first choice of hot beverages
5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop? if watching it on tv counts then no
6. Do you ski or snowboard? never skiied, the last time i boarded i broke my nose...you figure the answer out

FEBRUARY
1. Who was your Valentine? no one - do you see a patern here, cuz i sure do
2. When you were little did you buy Valentine's for the whole class? i think it was mandatory
3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow? used to
4. What did you get for valentines? nothing at all

MARCH
1. Are you Irish? like a quater or so
2. Do you wear green every year on St. Patrick's Day? i actually do
3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2007? i was at Sanctuary - and it was my friends bday too
4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over? yes and no - i really like the winter but i REALLY like the summer.

APRIL
1. Do you like the rain? i love walking in the rain and getting very very wet
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year? not at all - i actaully kinda despise them
3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter? no
4. Do you celebrate 4/20? no.
5. Do you "love" the month of April? no

MAY
1. What is your favorite flower? sunflower
2. Finish the phrase "April showers" - lame question
3. Do you celebrate May 24th: never have - but i might start this year
4. Is May anything special to you? yes

JUNE
1. What did you do for Fathers Day? worked
2. Did you do anything fun during this month? nope - worst month of my year i think - it was my birthday though - worst birthday ever...
3. Have a favorite baseball team? no

JULY
1. What did you do on the 1st of July? moved to vancouver
2. Did you go to the fireworks? i dont remember
3. Do you tan in the day? i dont remember - hopefully

AUGUST
1. Did you do anything special at the end of your summer? again my answer is no
2. What was your favorite summer memory of summer '07? dont have one - it was a bad summer
3.Did you have a sunburn? i think so...slightly
4. Did you go to the pool a lot? i didnt go once

SEPTEMBER
1. You be attending college/school? nope
2. Do you like fall better than summer? not really - but i like the feeling of the busyness at times - but over all definetly not
3. Anything special about September to you? yes

OCTOBER
1. What was your last Halloween costume? no idea - too long ago to remember
2. What is your favorite candy? anything chewy - hard candy blows
3. What is your favorite thing about this month? wouldnt you like to know

NOVEMBER
1. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving? no ones
2. What is your favorite thing about November? nothing really

DECEMBER
1. Do you celebrate Christmas? only a lot
2. What are you thankful for? A LOT (why isnt this a question for October?)
3. Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe? and to continue with the theme my answer is again no
4. Get anything special last year? many!
5. What do you want this year? nothing

2007-12-26T23:00:00.001-08:00

I dont normally do these - so I thought why not!

WITH 2007 COMING TO AN END. . .

1. Have you had any relationships this year? no
2. Have you had your birthday yet? yup
3. Kissed two people in the same night? nope
4. Been on a diet ? depends on your definition of diet
5. Pulled an all nighter ? many a times
6. Drank Starbucks ? again - many a times
7. Went camping ? only the most fun camping trip ive been on!
8. Bought something(s) ? nope - just kidding i dont think i could go a whole year not
9. Met someone special who changed your life ? no
10. Been out of the province ? yup - Washington, Florida, Chicago...
11. What are you thinking about ? loaded question
12. Hugged someone ? yes
13. Slept in someone else's bed ? lots
14. Got a job ? altogether - 3
15. Loaned out money ? yeah
16. Gotten in a car accident ? no
17. Gone over your mobile phone bill ? all the time
19. Done something you regret? yes

LAST:Last person to talk to you on the phone ? Cherie White
When was the last time you felt stupid ? right now
What was the last thing you yelled ? Merry Christmas maybe?
1. How many sibilings ? technically 0, but i like to say 4 - Joshua, Ciara, Noah and Dominic
Natural Hair Colour? brown
3. Initials ? NSB
4. Hair style ? long
5. Eye colour ? brown
6. Crushing ? nope
7. Pets? none
8. Mood ? bored (can you tell!)
9. Where would you rather be ? no where eles
10. What was the last thing you drank ? water

THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE:
1. Have you ever been in love ? no
2. Do you believe in love ? yes
3. Why did your LAST relationship fail ? immaturity
4. Have you ever been heartbroken? yeah
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart ? i doubt it
4. Have you ever fallen for your best friend ? yeah
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them ? yeah
8. Are you afraid of commitment ? no
9. Have you had more than 5 different serious relationships in your life? no

EMOTIONS:
1. Are you missing someone right now? yeah
2. Are you happy ? not really
3. Are you eating anything ? no
4. Do you like someone right now ? nope
5. When was the lastime you cried ? last night

LIFESTYLE.
1. First thing on your mind when you wake up? anything from "im tired" to "im excited"
2. What time do you usually wake up ? 7
3. How is your relationship with your parents? could be better, has been worse
4. Are you a family person ? yes
5. Do you attend school everyday ? not in school
l6. Do you stay physically fit ? not so much these days
17. What sports do you play ? i like sports - dont play any regularly though...

I thought this whole thing was a reflection on 2007 - it wasnt really

Remind me to not do that ever agian.

Haha

2007-12-25T19:48:00.000-08:00

I don't have a whole lot to blog about...but it is Christmas so I thought I should write something.

Well -

Merry Christmas or Holy Incarnation Day if you prefer.

My Christmas morning involved opening gifts that were placed under the desk (we didn't have a tree) sitting on the cold hard Empress floor. It was ghetto and fun but I am looking so forward to Christmas 2008 in my new home. I move in a week - I cant wait!

After presents we went to the Whites for brunch. It was lovely. My favorite part was giving gifts to the kids though. So fun - I got one a fish - it is a blue fish - his name is Blue - fitting I must say. That was my favorite gift to give! Everything else was fun too.

I am looking very forward to the New Year though - it will be a good one. God has some great ideas up his sleeve. If anyone knows of sweet New Years Eve's parties Im looking for one.

Grace and Peace be with you.

Love,

Nicole

2007-12-16T05:38:00.000-08:00

We cannot fully live until we fully die. That means this full life, this Zoë life Jesus tells us about is not attainable until we surrender our sinful nature, until we wring the bad canary’s neck and throw him out of the cage. I’ve got to kill these things so that I can live. I have got to die so I can live. Death is life.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

It is one thing to die – to self so we can live in Christ – but if we don’t choose to live, what’s the point of dying?

Tim Hughes has a really powerful song called “See His Love.” It's a bit overplayed in my circle of friends - but none the less it still cuts deep into my spirit every time. Go on youtube and watch the video yourself, it is very powerful. The chorus goes:

This is Jesus, in His glory, King of Heaven, dying for me.
It is finished, He has done it, death is beaten, Heaven beckons me.

Death is beaten! Come on, that’s good news! Jesus died so we don’t have to. He took our pain and our shame upon the cross with Him. He died so we could live. Death is life. His death is our life. By not wringing the neck of the bad canary we are just as bad as those who placed the crown of thorns upon our Lord and who hammered the nails into His wrists. Every time we choose to choose death we are whipping Jesus’ back just like His accusers.

It is time to die so that you can live. Death is life.

2007-12-09T04:37:00.000-08:00

Get drunk.

That’s right I said it, get drunk. Two of my main points of this book are to die and to get drunk – wow, this life thing is awesome! Before you go and crack open that Kokanee, let me explain. I am not one to dream, but a few months ago the Lord spoke to me while I slept. I was at work, a Salvation Army residence called Grace Mansion and I was also babysitting. I was on one of the floors with three of my favourite kids, Joshua, Ciara and Noah White. We were worshipping together and I was getting lost in worship – but quickly came back to reality lest I neglect my job duties. There were also two glasses of wine in front of me. One of the glasses was a dirty mug filled with a cloudy liquid that looked almost mud-like. The other glass was a clean, pure, shiny wine glass filled with a mouth watering red wine that looked so good. They were both mine for the taking but I chose to drink out of the first one. This wine did not taste good. It was bitter and tasted like what I imagine the wine Jesus was force fed upon the cross tasted like. During our worship a couple guys joined us and one of them took the pure red wine and took it up to floor seven. My first reaction had nothing to do with the fact that he took my wine, but rather showed the legalism and religion in me for I responded with “hey, Grace Mansion is a drug and alcohol free building.” My old corps officer, Danielle, was in this dream too. She encouraged me to let go of responsibility and not let my wine be stolen. I responded with what about my job, what about the kids I’m babysitting and she said go; don’t let your wine be stolen. So, I went up to the seventh floor and when the elevator opened I was in a white room, like a bridal chamber, everything was pure and everything was white. Across the room on the window sill sparkling was the red wine, beautifully contrasted against the white room.

The first glass of wine represents the old covenant which brings death as the second glass represents the new wine which brings life.

The old written covenant ends in death, but under the new covenant, the Spirit give life. 2 Corinthians 3:6b

We have a lot to learn from Jesus, clearly. Specifically though, regarding old and new covenant, old and new wine. When Jesus was given wine mixed with bitter gall (which we identified is the old wine told about in my dream above) he refused to drink it. (Matthew 27:34). The book of John tells us that when this old bitter wine was placed on His lips was when Jesus famously said “It is finished.” Then he bowed his head and released His Spirit. The old wine is death. Jesus refused the old wine and when the old, bitter wine was placed on His lips he released His spirit. We too must refuse to drink this old wine. We too must refuse death. Not only because it is bad for us and bad tasting, though it is, but because we have something better right in front of us. The new wine or the new covenant (which brings life) is hand delivered to us. Jesus took a cup of wine and gave it to us. He says this is my blood, which confirms the new covenant. (Mark 14:23-25) So refuse death, refuse the old wine, when you are given sour wine on a hyssop branch from the thief, say “it is finished” to your sin and release your sinful nature. Reach across the table and take hold of the appetizing, thirst quenching red wine and drink up. Get drunk on life.

While I am talking about dreams here, I shall expand on another recent dream of mine. This time I was waiting for a bus. When the bus came I got on and my friend Lisa was there. She began to tell me that a few stops back some guy was stabbed and the police were going to question all of us. Sure enough at the next stop two men in uniform stepped onto the bus. One began to ask us all for ID and proceeded to question us. When it was my turn I gave him my ID and stated I didn’t know anything. The police man began to drill me with questions and asked for a sample of DNA from me. Although I was innocent I was fearful. I said to the police officer “hey if it helps, I wasn’t even on the bus when the guy got stabbed.” After saying that he let me go.

I asked the Lord for interpretation when I awoke, and he said “The truth has set you free.” I immediately paralleled this to my life and began to argue that, sure in the dream the truth set me free, but that’s because in my dream I was legitimately innocent, I legitimately did not stab anybody, whereas in my own life I am guilty for the things that are causing death within me. The Lord was quick to respond, reminded me that “He who the Son sets free is free indeed.” We are innocent because Jesus took our shame, our pain, our debts, our chains and our guilt upon the cross with Him. He has declared us innocent. That is the truth and the truth has set us free. I also think the ID part of the dream is significant. We must have our identity on us. We must wear who Jesus made to be boldly and surely. Our identity is in him – we are innocent because he has freed us. It is like the double jeopardy law. If someone served the time for a crime they didn’t commit and then go out and commit it, they can not serve the time again. We have all been given this double jeopardy grace gift. Jesus already served time for our sins. He already bought and paid for our debts. He already died for us. That is our identity – He who the Son sets free is free indeed and the truth shall set us free.

2007-12-02T03:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is a long one - and I've cut some of the more personal parts out so it may be a bit choppy....

----------------------------------------------

I’ve always wanted a niche. My friends all have them. Olivia’s is holiness. Matthew’s is politics. Noah’s is dolphins. This list could go on but the point remains…I don’t have one. I am thinking that maybe my niche can be life. Ya, I like that – life – that’s a pretty good niche to have! After all the last four digits of my phone number spell LIFE and I do have these sweet tattoos on my forearms that say ‘life’. They also say death, but the death part of this “book” will come later.

Okay, I guess the death part will come now. Another reason why I think my niche should be life is because I was supposed to die. I was an unplanned pregnancy and my mom had considered aborting me, but never went through with it, so even though I have been assigned death from the moment I was conceived, in my mere existence I am giving the devil the finger. However this assignment of death didn’t stop at the womb. Upon delivery my mom had to go an emergency c-section to save my life and in my teens I thought of taking my own life once or twice. But death didn’t get me there.

It’s kind of ironic that I am writing a “book” on life at the time I am, because this assignment of death is still at large, and worse I am letting him win. A few months ago I had my first personal encounter with a demon. I was sitting in my bed and a boney arm came over my shoulder and gave me a ‘friendly’ little tap. I felt very cold as he said to me “you are mine.” It wasn’t until a couple weeks later I shared this experience with someone and they discerned it was an assignment of death and paralleled it to Ezekiel 37, the valley of dry bones.

Jesus had an assignment of death over his life too. King Herod was on mission to search for Jesus and to kill him. What saved Jesus? Or better question – who saved Jesus? The answer is in Matthew 2:13-23.

After the wise men were gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. “Get up! Flee to Egypt with the child and his mother,” the angel said. “Stay there until I tell you to return, because Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.” Matthew 2:13

Then it goes on to say that Jesus’ parents left Egypt. And that Herod was very angry and he sent soldiers to kill all the young boys in and around Bethlehem. When Herod died an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph again and said that it was safe to return because those who wanted to kill Jesus are dead.

So who saved Jesus? The answer is two fold. 1) The Lord appeared to Joseph (Jesus’ daddy) in a dream and 2) His parents obeyed the Lord. Only the Lord can save. This is true for our lives. The Lord is the only one with ability to save us, with the ability to rescue us from an assignment of death. I was thinking of a way to explain this better, but there really is no need for it. It is a simple truth – the Lord is our saviour. I’m going to devote a whole chapter to spiritual parents and that is when I will explain the second point further.

Around the same time as my demon encounter I wrote a song, in the key of A minor for that emo feel, called ‘death unwritten’.

What is going on? What the hell am I doing?
Is there anybody there? Is there anybody there?
When will my misery end? And when will glory come?
Is there anyone who cares? Anyone who cares?

Life is death. Life is death. Life is death. Death unwritten.

In my brokenness I cry. And in my loneliness I die.
Hey can you hear me? Can you hear me?
In my brokenness I cry. And in my loneliness I die.
Hey can you hear me? (Cue screamers and guitar distortion)
CAN YOU HEAR ME?

Life is death. Life is death. Life is death. Death unwritten.

At first I thought I was singing in my self-pity but the more I sang it and the more revelation I got, the more I think that life is death. Look back to the picture of my tattoos. One arm says death and the other says life. If you look closer you will realise that they are actually the same tattoo only flipped 180 degrees. This tattoo is the image of “life is death”. (I actually only made reference to my tattoo’s because I wanted you to think I was cool)

The book of Romans zero’s in on this life is death policy.

Well then, should we keep on, sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it? Or have you forgotten that when we were joined with Christ Jesus in baptism, we joined him in his death? For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may have new lives. Romans 6:1-4

And verse five really explains it well.

Since we have been united with him in his death, we will also be raised to life as he was.

So does verse eight.

And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him.

And eleven.

So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus.

Actually the whole chapter is pretty rad, take a moment now and read it yourself.

As I write this Heather Clark’s song based on the text from Romans 12 came on my iTunes.

I beseech you, therefore brethren, in view of the mercies of God,
To present yourself as a living sacrifice.

Another nice example of death is life. Our bodies are to be presented as a living (Zoë life) sacrifice (death).

So life is death. We cannot fully live until we have fully died. We need to die to ourselves to that we can live in Him. It is by dying to sin we are saying no to death. When we say no to death we are saying yes to life. This is pretty bizarre, I am writing a book on life, yet I am telling you to die.

How do we die to ourselves then? Good question! When you figure out the answer fire me off an email, nicolebrindle@gmail.com, and maybe I will write another fake book on that! While you are sending me an email, add me to facebook too! These are my bad writing skills at their finest, I’m getting off topic. Where was I? Right, how do we die to ourselves? I have a friend who likes to preach on the Allister Smith two-canary illustration. The illustration is as follows: we are like a bird cage with two canaries in it, a good canary and a bad canary. The process of dying to ourselves is merely an exercise in starving the one and feeding the other. My friend’s climax point is “don’t just starve the bad canary - wring its neck and throw it out of the cage!”

I’m going to take a moment and piggy back on Stephen’s climax. What does your bad canary represent? Addiction, fear, pain? Sickness, pride, money? Well, wring its neck and throw it out of the cage!

2007-11-26T17:35:00.000-08:00

“What is the meaning of life?” I’m no scholar, or philosopher that’s for sure but I think I have found the answer. Before you continue reading, make sure you are ready to grasp this, because it is huge. Okay, are you ready? The meaning of life is, now are you sure you are prepared, because if not now’s the time to close the book. You’re still reading, that must mean you are. Are you sitting down? Because what I am about to say has the potential to cause shortness of breath and in rare cases hospitalization. The meaning of life is, drum role please, to live. Are you completely flabbergasted? Are you tearing up the pages of your Philosophy 101 text book wondering why you wasted four years of university when all you had to do was read my book? Now, just in case you missed the answer, I’ll save you the trouble of back reading. The meaning of life is to live.

Dictionary.com defines life as “The interval of time between birth and death”, (although as a hardcore pro-lifer (another reason why I am writing a book on life) I would further define life as “The interval of time between conception and death”) and defines live as “To continue to have life”. Yes it is that simple. We are conceived and then we die, everything else in between is life. The interval of time between our conception and our death is when we are living and thus the meaning of life is to live.

I have a special friend, Dominic, he is eighteen months. He knows the meaning of life well. He falls asleep when he is tired. He wakes up when he has had enough rest. He will let you know if he needs something and not hold back in pride. He eats when he is hungry and he stops eating when he is full. He comforts you when you’re sad and furthers your happiest day with joy. He sleeps again and then the next day does it all over again. Dominic knows the meaning of life. The meaning of life is to live.

Next, let’s take a look at what Jesus says life is about.

I came that they may have [life] and enjoy life and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). John 10:10b Amp.

I have come so that they can have life. I want them to have it in the fullest possible way. John 10:10b NIRV

Let’s expand that verse a bit. First who is Jesus talking about? If we go up to the beginning of the chapter we are told He is talking about His sheep, you and me. He came so that we would have life, so that our neighbours would have life, so that the drug addict on the streets would have life, and so that the young girl whose wrists are slashed would have life. He came so that the dead can live. This life thing He came to give is even better then it sounds. The Greek word for life is ‘Zoë’ meaning: life, alive, came to life, belonged, receive living, among others which I will spend more time on in a later chapter. He not only came so we could have life, or in the Greek, so that we could be alive or so that we could belong but also so we would enjoy living (and I mean really enjoy living) and that we would reap the full benefits of life.

I’m not a big fan of the Message translation (a personal thing, I don’t have any solid reason for this) but I love how the Message puts this verse “I came so they would have a real and eternal life, more and better life then they could ever dream of”. Take a moment right now to imagine your perfect life. Where are you living? Think of the setting – a cozy cottage in the woods perhaps, is it a beautiful summers day, are you living in a community with friends always around. What people are present? Maybe someone you love is currently very sick and you are imagining them healed and pain-free. What are you doing? Tell me about your family and friends in this picture. Now think for a bit on how great that life looks, soak it up. Looks pretty good eh? Get this, the life Jesus has for you is better then that! Now that’s good news.

2007-11-18T04:44:00.000-08:00

Well I do have some further life issues to copy and paste from this so called book I'm writing, but today was too good not to blog about.

Three years ago I was in The War College session Martyrs.
http://www.thewarcollege.com/

And since then some of us have stayed, some have left and other have come back. Currently there are 8 local Martyrs here in Vancouver, we represent 4 corps and all our squads. This morning seven of us got together to have a mini spontaneous reunion. It was beautiful.

There is some sort of unexplainable bond between session mates. If you want to experience it for yourself I think there are a couple spots left in the Conquerors Session starting next September. Apply today at http://www.thewarcollege.com/.

It began with sharing a meal followed by calling most of our international session mates and leaders. We didn't have every bodies numbers unfortunately, but know that you were in our thoughts. And I just want to point everyone out to Travis Roberts voice mail message - "Sorry I couldn't answer your call I'm too busy tearing hell's throne to pieces and winning the world for Jesus". So rad, I just may righteously steal that someday.

After we called everyone we could we did some classic "dusting off" War College style prayer. This was good prayer. It wasn't like that forced kind you do when you are in a group setting, it was a beautiful, unforced time.

We plan on doing another one of these in the New Year. We'll prepare it a bit more.
Martyrs - HELP ME UP.
Grace,
Nicole

2007-11-17T06:47:00.000-08:00

This is classic.

2007-11-11T03:39:00.000-08:00

Genocide #4
War.

I am writing this section, unintentionally, on a very appropriate day. Today is Remembrance Day, a day in history when the fighting in WWI ceased. Yet, today war is still an active genocide killing thousands of people. As of yesterday (2007-11-10) a total of 367,755 human beings have died in the war on Iraq alone. 300,000 of those lives being Israeli civilians and the remaining 67,755 are made up from soldiers, journalists, contractors and police. Some sources suggest that this number is highly underestimated as they say the civilian death total is closer to 600,000 which would bring the death total up to 667,755. Sick. It is absolutely sick that for every one solider that dies, 9.8 innocent lives are lost as a “casualty of war”.
(Stats taken from http://usliberals.about.com/od/homelandsecurit1/a/IraqNumbers.htm)

The chaos of war is reflected in the semantic history of the word ‘war’. “War” can be traced back to the Indo-European root wers-, "to confuse, mix up." In the Germanic family of the Indo-European languages, this root gave rise to several words having to do with confusion or mixture of various kinds.

I’m re-reading a great book a great guy I know wrote “Be A Hero” By Wesley Campbell and Stephen Court. The chapter I find myself constantly re-reading is a chapter entitled “Seven Deadly Sins” where Campbell and Court identify seven different sins against humanity. The sixth one is “War-Affected Children.” The opening line of this chapter is

“At the turn of the 20th century, 90 percent of war casualties were male soldiers. At the turn of the 21st century, 90 percent of war casualties are children, the majority of whom are women and children.”

The dictionary definition of war is: a conflict carried on by force of arms, between nations or parties with in a nation; warfare by land, sea or air. Not one part of that definition sounds life-giving to me. Most of my research brought me to war crimes related to children. Below is a snippet from www.freethechildren.org on the injustice within this injustice.

In as many as 50 countries across the globe, children are caught up in armed conflicts – not only as bystanders, but as deliberate targets. In times of war children are subjected to barbaric acts of physical, physiological and sexual cruelty.

The best way to protect the innocent lives lost due to war is simple. Don’t start war in the first place. Stop the war and innocent lives will stop ceasing. Now remember, this is an anti-death book. And yes my heart is always bias towards innocent lives…but one of my main points I’m trying to get across is that our hearts should always biased to those dying – innocent or not. So, to further that statement – stop war and lives will stop ceasing.

I know there is a big debate in the Christian world, (or for that matter a big debate in society as a whole), on whether war is always wrong or if it is a form of defensive justice. I just don’t see it though. I don’t see how we, who claim to follow Jesus, can say killing people is okay, ever, defensive justice or not. Jesus does not once talk about murder being okay, but he talks a lot about love, grace and forgiveness. Jesus did not come to bring death – that is the thief’s job. Jesus came to give life. War does not give birth to life, it gives birth to death, and therefore Jesus did not come to bring war, and if Jesus didn’t come to do it, I don’t want to be involved anyway.

Zoë in her organic form isn’t at fullness until life is brought to those who are dying. War is genocide and thousands are dying. I ask the question again, how can we life? How can we bring others to life? A couple months ago some of my friends stayed up all night doing a peace vigil. I had to work an overnight shift (much like I’m doing right now) so I couldn’t go, but here are some bits and pieces from an email we got.

Hey everyone,

Here's what is going down Sunday night, if you're up for it.

So on Sunday, at 8pm, there will be a gathering for anyone who wants to join in at the War Room, where we will get some information and hopefully be stirred up about the situation of war in our world (there are currently 42 wars or military conflicts going on around the world right now, according to globalsecurity.org, most of the victims being civilians.)

We will watch one or two informative movies, pray over specific situations around the globe, do some art work and write some letters to Christians under persecution.

Then we will take a walk. A long walk. To the Burrard Street bridge and over it, stopping at the Peace memorial on the other side. There we will set up camp and keep a prayer vigil all night.

We are taking this walk not as an act of publicity, but as one of solidarity for the thousands of children in war-torn areas of Africa who have to walk miles very night and morning to escape capture by the rebel militias. These militias kidnap children and force them to become soldiers (or sex slaves if they are female) and commit atrocities against other children and adults. So the children walk to the cities for relative safety every night and back home to work or school the next morning.

Please consider joining with us. I'm aware it is a sacrifice of sleep, but it's not even really that much, and could really be a significant time of drawing us together in prayer and in some measure of solidarity with those who are suffering.

So there are a few good pointers on things we can do. Pray, write letters, and educate ourselves. The powerful part for me is always the part about joining in solidarity.

As a lover of Tim Hortin’s coffee it saddens me to say this, but do not buy your coffee from Timmy Ho’s, a percentage of their profits support war. Besides it’s not fair trade anyways – but that’s a whole different genocide. Oh, and please don’t join the military. Choose life.

I just googled “How can I stop war” and came up with a surprising amount of helpful sites, most I didn’t know of. One site, www.stopwar.ca, has monthly local meetings all over Canada where anyone can sit in on. These meetings are all about organizing anti-war actions. Sounds fun, I might go check out the next one. This section is getting pretty long so I’ll leave it up to you to find creative ways to live. Basically educate yourself and ask the Father to show you his heart. That’s what I did. About two years ago I was pretty apathetic and ignorant on the whole war thing. It wasn’t until I read up on it and began to pray that my heart changed.

Always choose life.

2007-11-04T07:44:00.000-08:00

Genocide #3

Capital Punishment, aka The Death Sentence can be a harder justice issue to accept for some I believe. The first two are fighting for the lives of the innocent, which in itself I think most people, morally, would or at least could agree with. Fighting for lives for those on death row is a bit harder to accept because they are guilty of a crime. Jesus is not in favour of death though, and is not in favour of the death sentence. He interrupted a public execution when he said “He who is without sin among you, let him throw the first stone at her” (John 8:7). As I read the New Testament, I don’t see anywhere that killing people regardless of guilt or innocence is just but I do see a lot about redemption and forgiveness. The word “capital” in capital punishment refers to a persons head which I could spend a lot of time diving into but I will allow you to do that on your own. Right now I want to just spend time giving you facts on capital punishment and even show you some injustice within this injustice.

In the United States, about 13,000 people have been legally executed since colonial times and by the 1930’s up to 150 people were executed yearly. American public approval of the death penalty is currently about 70%. Public support is essentially the same in Canada, even though we have abandoned it. The homicide rate in Canada has been gradually dropping since we stopped executions, and the homicide rate in states with the death sentence is almost double then those without it (which by stats alone makes me wonder why it is still used). In 2005 DNA testing proved that 14 inmates waiting on death row were proven innocent. There are currently eight different ways, worldwide, to kill those sentenced to death: beheading, electric chair, firing squad, the guillotine, hanging, lethal injection, poisen gas, and stoneing. Very few of these are quick and painless ways to die.

As I was researching this, I was surprised at the injustice involved in this. The vast majority of those executed are poor; 90% can not afford a lawyer and have to rely on a court-appointed lawyer. Fifteen percent of the three thousand American men and women on Death Row suffer from mental retardation. The following is a true event of such a thing.

Tony Chambers, a black man who has been convicted of raping and murdering an 11 year-old girl in 1990. Although DNA evidence has proven that he is not the perpetrator, he confessed to the crime and will probably be executed shortly. The only thing remarkable about the case is that it took police 11 hours to extract a confession from Tony. His IQ is in the 50's and he has a mental age of six. (Normal intelligence is a 100) It should have taken only a few hours for a competent police force to extract a confession of any crime from murder to bank robbery from a person with an IQ at that level. (taken from www.religioustolerance.org)

So then, how can we give life when it comes to Capital Punishment? Well, I suppose if you are from the States, or any other country that still endorses the death sentence, and are ever called upon for jury duty always choose life. In some cases that may cause for a hung jury in which case a new trial will be declared - but always choose life.

2007-10-29T06:25:00.000-07:00

Over the next few posts I'm going to copy some parts of this book I'm writing (No reason I'm writing it - mostly because I work overnights and there are only so many DVD's I can watch before I go crazy). Its still pretty raw and has had no editing done to it - so please excuse my poor sentence structure. My life just stinks right now and have nothing otherwise of substance to blog about.

-----------

Oh Death Where is Your Sting
Chapter Nine – Give Life

In chapter one I said there were other definitions for the Greek word Zoë. The ones I left out specifically so I could spend concentrated time on are these two: return to life and bring life [to others].

Jesus said – “I came so that they would have life (Zoë).” Or “I came so that they would bring life to others (Zoë).

We have established that our lives are not our own, once we are returned to life we must work to bring life to others. There is too much death going on in the world to remain silent. By doing nothing we are actually not living, and I’m not just saying that. Life in its organic form, Zoë, means to live and it means to bring life to others. If we are not bringing life to others then we are not living, and if we are not living, well quite frankly, then we are dead. Therefore by doing nothing we are not living. Once we die to our sinful selves we are not alive until we bring life to others.

Remember when I said the meaning of life is to live. Well, if living means to bring life to others and we are not doing that, then our lives have no meaning. Life is anti-death, and so we to should be anti-death.

In this last chapter, I’m going to briefly outline some of the genocides in our day. Fire off some stats and facts and it is my prayer that you are convicted to go out and live.

Genocide #1 - Abortion
Abortion has killed off half my generation. Every year 46 million babies are killed. Everyday 174,000 babies are killed in the womb. That’s the population of my hometown Richmond BC, or the entire population of the central Okanogan. So how do we live? How do we bring life to these 46 million people? My friend Hannah plans to chain herself to the doors of an abortion clinic on her sixteenth birthday. If you like the extreme route, that’s one way we can bring life to unborn babies, by physically blocking the entrance of an abortion facility, if the doors are obstructed no one can enter, and if no one can enter then no on can die. When I was in The War College (http://www.thewarcollege.com/) we spent our Friday afternoons peacefully (depending on your definition of peacefully) protesting. We would stand on street corners holding signs with large photographs of aborted children. Those posters looked somewhat like this:

I struggled a lot with this at first, as I don’t really like to offend people, but hey, if offending someone means that a baby will live it is totally worth it. I had to remind myself that I too could have been a victim of this genocide, and oh what a shame that would be, for then you wouldn’t be privileged with this book =p. Stacey Campbell likes to preach on this; she says every time there is a revolution there is a genocide that goes on. In the day of Moses, Pharaoh called for the death of all Hebrew baby boys, in the day of Jesus, as we read about earlier, King Herod called for the same thing. In the day of this generation, the Prince of the world is doing the same; he is killing off this generation in his sneaky and manipulative ways. History tells us that this generation is going to be a revolution. Do your part and fight for the lives of unborn babies. A simple way could be to not monetarily support Amnesty International. I think Amnesty does to a lot of good in the name of justice, especially when it comes to war crimes; however some of the money they receive fund abortions all over the world in the name of woman’s rights. Be a part of the revolution.

As I write a song by one of my favourite artists, Damien Rice, came on my media player, Cold Water. It is a song written from the point of view of an aborted fetus. Writing out the lyrics does not do the song justice. I encourage you to download it or buy his CD and listen to it. Not too long ago I was leading a brigade in Victoria mobilizing a group of teenagers into mission. It was during this time I experienced my first ultrasound. This was possibly one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed. One of the young girls I was discipling got pregnant and as a new covert she was struggling between getting an abortion or not. When she was about seven weeks or so into her pregnancy she asked me to go along with her to her ultrasound and seeing life on the screen was breath taking. Hearing the heart beating was even better. I committed to myself that day that I would fight for this baby. Alas my prayers and my encouragement did not come to fullness. When she called me and told me that she did in fact get an abortion I was grieved, more then I thought I would be, even though during my prayers the Lord revealed this would be the inevitable. A few days after this as I was doing my rations the above mentioned song came on my iPod. Grieved all over again I decided I could not in good conscience do nothing, because I had committed to fight for this child. I interrupted my rations, or mobilised them if you will, hopped on a city bus traveled up Yates turned left on Quadra and walked into the Victoria Police Headquarters the entire time weeping and listening to Damien Rice’s song “Cold Water” on repeat. I was reporting a murder. This act was worldly unfruitful, but spiritually gave a voice to this child. I have decided from now on, anytime a child I know is killed in the womb I will report a murder.

And then there is more stuff to come its just my head and not written out yet. I have some other genocide's written out, but those will come in a future blog. Now my shift is almost over and I gotta pack up and clean a bit. So chew on that for a bit - and I'll refine the next section later.

2007-10-23T19:28:00.001-07:00

The snake got me just like he got Eve on that ever famous day when she ate the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

You see, I did something bad one day and then the next day I decided to not get out of my bed all day because I figured if I hid under the covers then I couldn't do anything bad, or anything bad couldn't happen to me. I figured by not climbing down my ladder (yes, I'm 22 and sleep in a bunk bed!) and setting my foot on the ground I couldn't hurt anybody else and I couldn't hurt myself. This isn't even the part where I was manipulated by the snake.

So I slept as long as I could - but I don't like to sleep so I was mostly awake just lying there. As I was awake lying there I was thinking how unprotected I felt. How the only way I felt safe was to stay in bed and not move. Then here is when the cunning voice of the snake got me....I was thinking about Psalm 91 and how it said "The Lord protects and rescues those He loves" and listened to the snake and agreed that because I am not safe and I am not protected then the Lord must not love me. Then of coarse I figured if the Lord doesn't love me then I had no reason to get up and no reason to worship and no reason to pray. I know seems bizarre to me too that I would actually believe something so obviously untrue but man the snake got me. This lasted two days before I realised I love the Lord too much to not worship him and to not pray. So this morning in my rations I was reading Psalm 91 to confirm that the Lord doesn't love me...turns out it doesn't say "The Lord protects those He loves" it says "The Lord protects those who love Him". The snake twisted the word of the Lord just like he did with Eve.

(now i just got to work on the loving and trusting the Lord part a bit more...)

Don't let the snake twist the word of the Lord. Gird on your belt - tight. Know the truth.

God is here.

2007-10-21T03:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever done something you regret - and then even after the fact, still can't stop thinking about it and even if you have been forgiven cant forgive yourself and its all you think about for the next ion...well I sure have, and infact am there now...

I was at work yesterday and asked some of the residents here if they ever felt that way. One guy said "ya, said I love you too, and didnt mean it".

Really, in short thats what I did. I said I love you too. I said it by my words, but did I really mean it. For if I did I would have shown it so in my actions too.

It hurts so much the more when someone you care about says I love you in words but is not followed through in actions. I've been on the recieving end of this far too often - and yet I am grieving Holy Spirit now, I am greieving the Father's heart. I am greiving those who care about me...my friends and family. And Im sorry.

Jesus says if you love me you will obey my commands.
Ouch - I guess I dont love Jesus. I guess I dont love you.
Sorry.

2007-10-11T23:23:00.000-07:00

If you ever need to get your tires fixed go to Kal-Tire on Main Street.

I got a flat tire the other day and I went in today to get it fixed. When I took out my Visa to pay the guy said "This ones on us" I was like "really" and he said "yup, remember where we are". No joke, I got my tire repaired and put back on totally for free. I suppose it helped big time that I had some cute kids with me. Perhaps he had pity on me thinking I was a young single mom. Either way thank you Kal-Tire and thank you Noah and Dominic White.

So if you ever need tires repaired that's the place to go.

Most of my day was just as good. I got some break dancing lessons from a three year old.

And now I'm sad. I don't know why I'm sad - I just am. But I have been encouraged to look for the presence of Christ around me - which will bring joy. I'm looking - but I must be blind - Oh Lord please open my eyes. Check out www.warroom614.blogspot.com for some exhortation on that.

Joy of the Lord eh. I had a bit of a taste of that yesterday. I'll blog on it over the weekend. But really, joy is one of the greatest strategies out there I reckon.

Hmmm..

God is here?

God is here.

2007-10-05T21:46:00.000-07:00

I just read an article in the 24 hours newspaper saying how good insite is.

This is my responce to the editor.

I just read your article entitled, "Insite Getting a Raw Deal", I am not one to normally write into the editor to express my thoughts or concerns, however I cannot read this and not respond.

I have been living in the Downtown Eastside for the past four years, and I walk by insite everyday. I can not understand how insite remains funded. I walk by and watch my neighbours stand in line outside of the doors waiting to die.

In your article you said the number of 911 calls to the area has dropped, however you failed to mention that 95% of all 911 calls to the area are dispatched to insite, often for overdose related incidents.

Insite doesn't make sense to me, it is just trading in one way of dying for another. It is saying "Please come get high, under government funding, its okay, we want you to die".

I am not much of a debater, usually why I don't respond to articles, I just know my opinion, and I believe there is nothing good in insite. And I am sad that this article makes the reader thinks otherwise.

I could listen to the arguments against me and possibly be persuaded, but its places like insite that have given birth to places like the Naomi project - a legalised facility where heroin is given to addicts. Now I can somewhat understand why people could have hope in insite, but I definitely cannot understand why people could have hope in Naomi. And I don't think the Naomi project would have been launched if insite never opened.

Sorry I am not a good writer, and sorry I do not agree with you - but I think the next time you write about insite- it shouldn't be glorified in anyway, and we as readers should be informed of reality instead of fantasy.

to read the original article go here
http://vancouver.24hrs.ca/pdf/cover.pdf and scroll to page seven.

you can send an email to the editor if you wish ian.king@24hrs.ca

2007-10-02T23:45:00.001-07:00

WARNING!!!
This is a safety announcement.

Never be alone.

I repeat, under no circumstances let yourself be alone.

Community is very very important. Friends are very very important. It is not good for man to be alone. I repeat IT IS NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE. Hey, didn't God Himself come up with that one?

But seriously, at all times avoid being by yourself. This is prime time for the father of lies to speak to you. This is prime time for temptation to entice you. This is prime time for Satan to kill, steal and destroy and prime time for us to let him.

This is dangerous. Avoid it at all costs. Yesterday I was surrounded by good people...most of the day...but then I had five minutes here and five minutes there and then five minutes later I allowed temptation to get the better of me. But this temptation didn't even come near me when I was with people - it waited until I was alone and vulnerable. My conclusion, I just cant be alone. It is not safe.

We were created to live together and to not be alone. God himself personifies community and by like a good teacher doesn't just say it but lives it too (the Trinity).

I do not honor the Lord when I leave the fellowship, and yes I believe you can leave the fellowship yet live in community at the same time - (although now I am wanting to re-evaluate my definition of community). I would say its a 50/50 ratio. Half the time me being alone is circumstantial, I have to walk to work, I have to drive to pick someone up or drop someone off, and it also looks like being at one friends house and walking 2 blocks back to my house alone (and yes even in those two blocks I have become vulnerable to enemy attack) . The other half of the time it is fully me. My pride doesn't want to bother someone and ask them to walk me to work and my shame doesn't want to humiliate myself and let someone know I need to be babysat. My sinful nature wants to be alone so that I can do what my flesh so desires. And the world has taught me well that we are to be independent.
THIS IS SO EFFING FRUSTRATING.

What was my point of this blog again? Oh ya, to warn you to not be alone. If you find yourself alone - call me 778-773-5433 and I will come to you. You need friends. if you don't have any I will be your friend. Call me and we can be friends. Actually, even if you have friend I still want to be your friend.

It's times like these I wish I had a Siamese twin.

I wonder when I will realise that I am never alone because I always have God the Father looking out for me, Jesus His son loving me and being around to talk with, and His Holy Spirit guiding me.

Well excuse me as I leave this place now, and walk home alone - probably will do something stupid.

This blog was never intended to be so personalised - I was just planning on writing a generic warning to all. Oops.

God is here.

Currently Reading - Helps to Holiness by Samuel Logan Brengle.

ps- I've been blogging a bit more these days - I have a few new ones below. I'll wait a few days before I post again so you can catch up =P

2007-10-01T03:13:00.000-07:00

Although my life doesn't always reflect it, I like to think I am fairly anti-death. I know where I stand on most things. I believe that abortion is always wrong. I believe that capital punishment is always wrong. I believe that war is always wrong.

However, I have struggled with where I stand on euthanasia, until tonight that is. I can now say that I believe euthanasia is always wrong.

I struggled with this because I would think if someone I cared a lot about was ever in a 'vegetable state' as they put it I couldn't see myself agreeing to let them live like that. And then I would personalise it and think, well if I was ever brain dead, I would want the plug pulled. My mind was thinking this way because of mercy, not because I believe death is okay. Now, I have always thought euthanasia for the handicapped is wrong. I guess I was just really torn at where to draw the line.

But I know the line now, that there is no line. Euthanasia is always wrong.

Tonight I was watching Law and Order. There was a scene where this girl was on life support. The mother was very adamant about keeping her alive even though the daughters condition was irreversible. The husband on the other hand was just as adamant about taking the feeding tube out. During this scene you had all the characters debating on the morality of this situation. Some thought like the mother - life is worth living and no one other the God should decide when life ends. Others thought like the husband - to take her out of misery and end her pain. I can admit that both sides have there legit reasoning, and prior to tonight I think I would have been quick to agree with the husbands view. However, I cannot in good conscience ever say that killing someone is okay - and same goes with euthanasia.

Jesus came to give life. The enemy came to kill. (John 10:10). If we are following Jesus then we should too give life and live lives and fight for life in others. If we are following Satan, then sure kill unborn babies, drop a bomb on an Israeli village, inject a criminal with poison and pull the plug. I follow Jesus though. I am anti-death, always and in all things.

Man, the enemy is so manipulative. Manipulating how the world, saved and unsaved alike, view these moral choices. Could it be okay to abort a child because he or she may be born with cerebral palsy, or is a victim of a rape. Could it be okay that the person who murdered your sister is legally put to death. War, its defencive violence, justice manifested. Yup, the enemy has had me there too. But death is always wrong. Simple as that.

Now, I'm not much of a debater, in fact I avoid blogs and conversations such as these simply for that reason - but throw me some comments on this one. Spiritually and morally. I'm interested.

Grace,
Nicole

God is here.

Currently Reading - Helps to Holiness by Samuel L. Brengle

and I don't usually blog this close together - so if your interested in fruit of Scripture memory check out my post below.

2007-09-30T02:05:00.000-07:00

Some friends and I have started this girls accountability group and we get together Thursday mornings, share breakfast and discuss life over tea. I think someone wanted to call it the breakfast club.

So this past week someone shared how they were struggling with thoughts and was frustrated because its not like she can necessarily control them. It was suggested to her that she started memorising scripture as a discipline because by filling our minds with truth we leave little room for our idol thoughts or lies from the enemy. I thought this was a very good idea. I mean stopping sin in actions is relatively easy, its the thought process behind it that I find difficult to beat.

So I decided to take this up myself. I only started today, but it is already bearing good fruit. Today I was driving and was thinking to myself, as I do. Lately my thoughts have been quick to dwell on the negative but the moment I had a few minutes to think, instead of thinking of how horrible I am or how bad life is, my brain went right to the verse I am memorising.

This is a discipline, and I'm not perfect in it, but I think it will be good. And I recommend to all, fill your mind with truth and leave no room for lies.

God is here.

Currently Reading - Helps to Holiness by Samuel Logan Brengle.

2007-09-24T20:11:00.000-07:00

I just had a dream.

I was waiting for a bus and when it came my friend was on. She was telling me that a couple stops before there was a shooting and police were going to come and question everyone. On the next stop cops came on and started asking everyone if they saw the suspect and if they had I.D on them. When they asked me I said I didn't see anyone but that I had ID. The cop went to his partners and came back to me and asked for my ID and questioned me further as if I was guilty and I got a little scared. He asked me for a sample of my writing. I then said if it helps I wasn't even on the bus when this happened and I didn't know about it until after I was on. The cop gave me back my ID and let me go.

I asked the LORD for interpretation and He said "The truth has set you free", and I began to parallel it to my life. The difference I tried to argue with the LORD between my dream and my life was that I was innocent in the dream but the places I am bound in my life I am guilty for.

And the LORD said I was not. He said we are innocent because Jesus took our shame, our pain, our debts and our chains and our guilt upon the cross. He has declared us innocent.The truth has set us free. We are innocent. He who the son sets free is free indeed.

I also think the ID part of the dream in important. We must have our identity on us. We must wear who Jesus made us to be boldly and surely. Our identity is in Him - We are innocent because he freed us.

Its like the Double Jeopardy law. If someone served the time for a crime they didn't commit and then get out and commit it, they cant serve the time again. We have all been given this double jeopardy grace. Jesus already served time for our sins. He already bought and paid for our freedom - this is our identity - we are free - He who the son sets free is free indeed.The truth will set us free.

Jesus said I am the way the truth and the life.

2007-09-20T17:29:00.000-07:00

The LORD longs to be with us. He just really really really wants to be with us. To know us, as He does, and for us to know Him. He wants to be with us so much, he will wait until we do come.

In Pray the Bible the other day (0745-0815 Monday-Thursday 596 W Hastings 3rd Floor - join us if you are in the area - a great way to start your morning) we dived into Song of Songs. This is not my favorite genre of PTB...I'm more the War-Cry-Stir-It-Up-Warrior type person. But as we were praying SoS I fell in love with Jesus...again. It's like marriage, so I'm told, your love for your lover just grows and grows...and when you think you love them as much as you can, you lover does something amazing and your love for them deepens...

I just really love the Lord. In the middle of chapter 2 Solomon writes "Rise up my darling, Rise up, come away with me my fair one"...And I began to cry. Everything in me wants to rise up and come away with my lover but it is so easy to believe the lie that I am not worthy to rise up, that I am not worthy to be with my lover.

But the truth is I am with Him. I am my beloveds and he is mine. And I do want to rise up. I do want to be with him. I want to do this because I love him so much. Intimacy is the turning point for change.

Let me say that again - INTIMACY IS THE TURNING POINT FOR CHANGE.

I don't want to change so I can be with him. I want to change because I am with him. (I made that one up myself - its good eh!)

Husbands do things like this all the time for their wives, and visa versa. In the movie "Shall We Dance" this big foot-ball guy is asked why is he taking ballroom dance lessons, as an elegant dancer didn't really fit his forte of life...his response was that he was doing it for his fiance. The reason he was willing to subject himself to something was for the sake of his lover.

Its the same with the Lord. I will rid myself of all unrighteousness for the sake of my lover. I will do whatever it takes to be with Him - not because I'm told to, or because it is the right thing to do - but because I love him so much.

God is Here
Grace,
Nicole

Currently Reading - Well nothing yet, I finished up Ill Fight and Beauty for Ashes (haha I know its about time) - but I'm looking at picking up Helps to Holiness by Samuel Logan Brengle in the next few days.

2007-09-17T02:00:00.000-07:00

I am blind - I want new eyes.

I want to see like Jesus sees. Eyes that see into the Kingdom as opposed to the world. Eyes that see the immortal and not just the mortal. Eyes that see beauty instead of ashes. I am blind Lord Jesus I want to see - make me see.

This past week in cell (a weekly meeting where we cultivate authentic christian community - kinda like a Sunday morning meeting people often call church minus the Sunday and minus the morning and adding a lot more intimacy and acceptance) we talked about Jesus healing the blind man. Our Worship part of the cell (oh, we also focus on 5 W's - Welcome, Word, Worship, Wealth and Witness) was to split off into pairs and pray for each other.

I had the privilege of getting prayed for by a beautiful woman. She is a lady that lives in my neighborhood, she has some mental health issues and her hygiene could be improved, not someone I would typically ask for prayer from. As she prayed for me at cell though, I was moved. Her prayers were so beautiful and so sincere. Holy Spirit spoke through her big time and used her well. Her words hit my core like a double edged sword. She laid hands on my eyes and I was healed momentarily from my blindness. (My poor faith levels have since then put blinders back on - but faith vs. healing will have to be saved for another blog).

I don't get it. It is so simple. God is a miracle-man. He gives sight to the blind. He frees the captives. He delivers the sufferers. He heals the sick.

Ezekiel 36 puts is simply - I will gather you up and bring you home. I will sprinkle clean water on you and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away. I will give you a new heart. I will put a new spirit in you.

Psalm 51 nicely adds - Wash me and I will be clean.

It doesn't get simpler then that. Not I will wash you and then after a long time you will be clean. Not I will free you from bondage after you do this and this and this and this. It is simple - he says it, it is done. Heck - It is already done. Jesus says it best "It is finished".

Yet, I never let him. I am so stubborn and so led by my flesh - I am led by my blind eyes.

I want to see.

- haha maybe as a prophetic act I can go get those green contacts I have always wanted - you know to show I have new eyes...haha

But really - I want to see. I want new eyes.

God is here.

Currently Reading - Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Meyer and I'll Fight by Phil Wall.

Grace,
Nicole

2007-09-09T00:08:00.000-07:00

I've been in a funk. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. Oh Lord how I desire for my heart and my flesh to unite.

I got into a conversation last night with one of my neighbors about Spiritual Warfare. Normally a pretty exciting conversation peice for me and one I am quick to jump on...however I being where I am these days conversations like this make my head want to explode. By the Lords grace we had a fairly surface level conversation and in the end my head did not blow up.

Something was said during this conversation that has put me in a place of hmmm. He fired me off the verse "He who is in me is greater then He who is in the world." And I began to really think. If He who is in me is truely greater then He who is in the world, then why is overcoming my funk as I put it, so hard to do. Now I beleive that to be true - the whole Holy Spirit is greater then the world stuff, and I began to wonder if infact Holy Spirit was in me.

Now regardless of what my conclustion to the above became - fire me an email if your interested - the truth remains:

He who is in me is greater then he who is in the world.

Lets not be so quick to overlook that friends.

God is Here.
(is He?)

Currently Reading:
Ill Fight by Phil Wall
Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Meyer.

2007-09-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

I would like to take this time and direct you to the following blog...

www.warroom614.blogspot.com

Check it out. Scroll to the first posting by Aaron White and read all about it. And man, this things going to fill up fast so check it regularily, theres going to be some goooooood shiz posted.

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I have so many good things to say, but I wasted my night away on watching Seth and Ryan destroy and recreate their love lives, rather then proclaiming the good news of His Grace on the world wide web. And Im off shift in 3 minutes so am unable to post em now, but dont you worry there will be some goooood things coming out from here shortly.

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As I type this I just over heard some of the guys that live here at Grace Mansion (where I work) say "Life is a death sentance".

1. Im going to log off now so I can with undiveded focus engage in this conversation
2. Im going to dwell on that and probably blog about it in the near future.

Much Grace
Nicole

God is here.

2007-08-23T21:00:00.001-07:00

Wow!

I just got back from the Revolution Session of the War College Grad.

Bless the LORD he is good.

Im still trembling from His glory.

Congratulations Revolutionaies.

You are a REVOLUTION.

What an honor to be a part of the celebration for my fellow warriors in the fight. It was a blessing to watch the students dance freely, worship in purity and really just love the LORD.

This night was I dont know, "supposed" to be like a spiritual sending off I guess for the War College students - and as much as it was, as it was for them (Well it was for the LORD...but you know what I mean) I got super blessed out of the deal too. Gotta love the community thing - sharing everything we have together ;P

Tonight I tasted freedom and joy. It's been so long since I tasted how good and how sweet like honey His fruit is. For the last little while I have been tasting what I thought was good. Well not even, I didnt even think it was good - but yet I kept allowing myself to taste it over and over, dwell in darkness over and over, endulge in sin over and over to die over and over. Why would I choose to do that when the LIGHT and the LIFE of the LORD is freedom and joy.

Now that I have had a sample - will I keep going for it? Or will I revert to old ways becuase of comfort? Right now, Im all gung-ho to remain in freedom and to remain in His joy - but that ever haunting friend of mine, doubt, is so quickly there, so quick to remind me of my ways...but hallelujah my ways are not His ways.

In the words of Jeremy Strain (now an official WAR COLLEGE ALUMNI)

I DIE I DIE I DIE I DIE
I DIE TO ALL THAT I AM

I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE
I LIVE TO ALL THAT YOU ARE.

May those words be my testimony.

CONGRATULATIONS...

MATT ARMSTRONG
LYNN WAGNER
MATT ELCOME
JESSE GREEN
DAWN MARIE PAULSON
LISA STEWART
REBECCA AUSTIN
IAN SMITH
CATHERINE MARQUIS
HOLLY WARREN
LEO KILLION
DONNY MELANSON
JEREMY STRAIN
STEPHANIE LINES
LYNNE CAWKER

Hallelujah

God is here.